this writer's life

so it's really true

2012-02-01T17:28:00.005Z

...that if you have something to do, some task or another, you should ask a busy person to do it.

I've had a hectic week with work - both day jobs, and visitors, and work, but have ended up writing more than I do in a less full-on week. I had a deadline because I had to have 2 pieces of work written to take with me on a writing weekend (heading off later today), and 4 or 5 days ago I really didn't have 2 pieces that were ready to be seen.

But a cunning use of any spare minute and a nice bout of insomnia one night and a little bit of pressure has seen me through and I have my 2 pieces - one short story, and, what might be the first chapter of a novel I've been thinking about thinking about writing for a while.

So, later on I'll be away to the Dales with my writing group (includes this fella) for 3 days. We'll do review sessions for the work we take along, and we'll do a few writing exercises, and we'll talk a lot. It's a sociable trip, and a welcome chance to communicate face-to-face with people I mostly talk to via my keyboard.

Have a great weekend whatever you're doing.

I've been nominated

2012-01-25T15:08:00.003Z

...for a 'Top Writing Blog' award. I'm up against 74 other writing sites, so I have a lot of competition. Voting closes on Feb 3rd. If you'd like to vote for this blog, I'd be ever so happy.

Click the badge below and scroll down to 'This Writer's Life' to cast your vote.

Thank you!

Online Colleges

2 cups

2012-01-21T14:48:00.002Z

I just tried to do a random act of kindness. I popped out for coffee. I live in town, I'm lucky I can leave my flat and get good coffee in a minute or two. I do it a few times a week, when I'm off from my day-job, and I'm writing at home. I get a take-away and bring it back to the flat and sit at my laptop and work on whatever I'm working on.

Today there was an obstacle on my short walk: a homeless man in an empty doorway. I did what I always do when I'm asked for change, which is say 'No, sorry,' and smile, and walk on, and wonder why this is my default reaction, to refuse, to say, 'No'.

Am I afraid of saying, 'Yes'? Would it be like crossing a line into some area that is uncharted? I can spare some change.

Why is there this fear to connect in some way? The reasons I'm coming up with, almost at the coffee shop now, is that maybe it feels too big, like a couple of coins couldn't change much in this man's life. Or that giving him money would highlight the difference in us, and essentially, highlight my own guilt. I'm in my warm coat going out to treat myself, essentially, to something I don't need.

But I don't want this fear to stop me from being able to connect with someone. If I can't spare the change - that's something else. But if I can, why don't I?

I decide to buy him a hot drink. A tea, I think, then no - hot chocolate. It seems more comforting. I feel good, a bit brave, like I've noticed a barrier and I'm taking it down.

Only when I come out, he's gone. In those 5 minutes he's moved on. I stand in the street with my 2 cups, looking around, I cross the road and check some other doorways, but he's not there.

This scene finishes with me, in my own doorway, looking at passers-by and making judgements about whether or not I think they deserve a free hot chocolate. I eventually make a decision - an old lady who isn't wearing gloves - she might appreciate holding the cup. But no, she doesn't want it. I feel a bit, well, a lot, deflated. I don't ask anyone else.

As much as a couple of coins can't be enough, then neither can a hot chocolate, but it felt like the start of something, a small act, a link, an out-of-nowhere thing.

Covered in flour

2012-01-18T14:52:00.011Z

Some thought processes stemming from a modern cookery show on TV. Sort of a character sketch, sort of some of my own thoughts too.

I am your target audience. I watch your show and it makes me want things. I’m not a man and I can’t bake but you're making me want to be a Fabulous Baker Brother. They look like they get on. They look like they have good parents.

I bet they have a nice house with personal items stuck on the fridge. I bet they are relaxed about drawing on the fridge. They use it as a whiteboard. They write things like, ‘We need eggs!’ only not that, because they have hens.

I could be the wife of a Baker Brother. That might be more appropriate.

I bet they have a lot of family get-togethers. I bet they are comfortable if people just drop by.

I’ll marry the taller one, with the gap tooth. But I’ll have an affair with the older, shorter one. We could ‘do it’ covered in flour and say things like, ‘I hope no one catches us’.

It’s impossible to take any of these recipes in. I’ll have a look online later.

2012-01-13T15:56:00.002Z

It's really quiet in here. She likes to talk.

She's telling every customer she's done two ten-hours shifts this week.

She's pretty sure there aren't any nuts in the muffin but if there are the woman can use the cafe's phone to call the ambulance.

Her total hours worked this week are 45; she usually does 32.

"The best one is when someone asks for a latte and I say, 'Which size', and they say 'A LATTE' and I say, 'Yeah, but which size?' They've been sarcastic with me because they think I'm not listening when actually it's THEM, they're not paying attention to me."

She can do the Thursday shift next week if they can't get anyone else to do it.

Getting Noticed by The Guardian - Part 2

2012-01-09T14:19:00.008Z

A few days ago Dan Purdue asked me some questions and I gave him some answers. Now we have done a swap-a-roo.

And I shall call it, Qs 4U, Dan Purdue.

Teresa: One Street Corner Too Soon takes a universal theme, in this case unrequited love, and zooms in on one particular ‘slice of time’, that walk home with someone you’re sure you’re in love with. Like the best short stories, it’s about something seemingly tiny that carries a whole world with it. Did you set out to write about such a focused moment?

Dan: I’m not sure, exactly. I tend to build my stories around an image. This one started with a vaguely magic-realism-esque scene of a young man standing on a deserted street at night, holding his own heart in his hand. The very sketchy first draft (written on hotel notepaper in a New York pizza restaurant, no less) kept the surreal nature of this image and had him levering up a paving stone to bury his heart in the spot where it had been broken. So really the ending of the story came first, and I worked backwards from there. This is unusual for me; most of the time I’m very linear – pick a good first line and plough onwards from there. The focus of the story is also encouraged by the word count of the competition. You can’t meander much in 2000 words.

T: There’s an immediacy about One Street Corner Too Soon that feels very personal. Is it based on a true experience?

D: No. By which I mean, yes. By which I mean, kind of. I started with that image of the guy alone on the pavement, and the first thing I wanted to establish was why there was nobody else around. For some reason the first thing I thought of was walking back from a concert – something I did quite a bit of at university. I lived a fair way away from most of the venues and often I’d end up saying goodbye to the friends I’d gone to the gig with and walking the last bit on my own. Generally this would be after the pubs had closed but before the nightclubs were starting to empty. Often it seemed like there was nobody else around at all; quite an eerie feeling after the noise and energy of live music. I tried to tap into that mood, and used the idea of heading home after watching a favourite band to put the ‘couple’ in context and give their relationship some grounding.

In terms of the actual events of the story, there are scraps of real life in there – I think you need those to give a story any kind of resonance. As you say, unrequited love is a universal theme and I’ve had my share of (occasionally ridiculous) crushes. I’ve never accidentally lunged at a girl and pulled her hair, though. The closest I’ve got to my protagonist’s disastrous kiss is getting one of those spirit-crushing pecks on the cheek that lets you know things are never, ever going to go in the direction you’d hoped. Almost as bad, but not quite.

T: I love that image you started with, it’s very striking. You use the notoriously difficult-to-get-right 2^nd person in this story, did it start out that way, or is there a 1^st or 3^rd person version somewhere in your drafts folder? How easy was it to write? Did you hesitate at any point and think you should be a bit less risky?

D: The initial draft was in first-person, and it really was patchy – a few notes and bits of dialogue and a rough plan of the structure. I didn’t flesh it out for a few weeks and almost immediately first-person began to seem too personal. So I swapped it for third-person. This solved some problems but then I couldn’t settle on a suitable name for the protagonist or find a compelling way to start the story, plus the prose was lumpy and the magic-realism bits just seemed silly. I decided it wasn’t the story I thought it could be, and left it to gather dust for a while. A few months later, I heard about the Guardian competition and, at that time, this was the only story I had that fitted the word count. I decided to take another look at it.

After a bit of pointless tinkering, I decided to rewrite the story entirely. I had a much-scribbled-on print-out by the side of my laptop, but a fresh Word document in front of me. I typed the opening line, You should be holding my hand. It kind of came from nowhere, but I liked the directness of it. Still first-person, still the guy’s perspective – so I was staying on familiar ground. It sounded too confrontational, though; I didn’t want the guy to be angry with the girl. I changed my to her, and something just clicked into place. It only dawned on me a paragraph or so later that I was writing in second-person, a form I’d never attempted nor seen done particularly well (that’s changed since, having read A.L. Kennedy’s Day, which has bits in second-person and works brilliantly). When I finished I was really pleased with it, and I submitted it almost straightaway – a day or two before the closing date. I immediately felt I was maybe punching above my weight, though, and I couldn’t bear to let anybody else see it. It stayed under wraps until I got the email from The Guardian.

T: That’s really interesting, almost like you had a ‘eureka’ moment – only it probably wasn’t that dramatic – but you were at your laptop, focusing and working, and you had a break-through. How important is it to you to sit and write, and how easy is it? Are you a procrastinator? What takes you away from ‘the zone’ and what keeps you in it?

D: Breakthrough moments like that are all too rare, unfortunately. In its way, this one was fairly dramatic – I felt a bit of a rush, a sort of fizzing excitement that I was on to something, a kind of nervousness that I would lose it again before I got to the end. I worried that if I got up to make a cup of tea I would come back and have no idea what the next word should be. I love it when it all starts chiming like that. You won’t get this reference because you’re so irritatingly young, but it’s like a needle that’s been skipping all over the record suddenly finding its groove and then – blam! – there’s the music.

I guess like a lot of writers, I find the will to write and the time to do it are on opposing ends of a seesaw. When there’s absolutely no question of being able to write, I’m burning with ideas and seeing inspiration everywhere. But on the rare occasions I can put aside a couple of hours as dedicated writing time, I suddenly find I can’t tear myself away from Facebook, or I spend ages on Amazon reading reviews of books and CDs I already own. It doesn’t make any sense how hard it can be to steer myself back towards the story I’m supposed to be working on, considering how rewarding I find it when I do manage to get back in ‘the zone’. I’m at my most productive when I have a fresh idea that I can’t wait to get down on paper, or at the other end of the process, when I’m editing an almost-there story on paper. That’s when I can be still and focused, and I lose all track of time. It’s the middle bit that really feels like hard work.

T: You self-published a collection of your short stories, Somewhere To Start From, last year. I know for you self-publishing was a fairly natural move and part of your appearance at Guernsey Literary Festival, is it something you imagined you would do, say 2 or 3 years ago? Do you think attitudes to self-publishing have changed in recent years?

D: Putting the book together was an odd experience. I reread some stories that I hadn’t looked at in months, and in many cases I was pleasantly surprised. It was stressful, too, as there wasn’t a lot of time between deciding to do it and needing to place an order for the books so they’d be in Guernsey in time for the festival. That’s what prompted it, really – I found myself about to be A Writer in Public, and the prospect of reading my work from bits of paper just didn’t seem professional enough.

I’ve been really impressed by the quality of the books and the service from Lulu.com. You’ll know they’re self-published if you know what to look for, but I’ve ended up with a product I’m genuinely proud of. In terms of attitudes, the improvements in self-publishing are a curse as much as they are a blessing, I think, much the same as the explosion in ePublishing. Now that, with a bit of effort, anybody can put together a book or Kindle download that looks pretty close to a professional publication, there seems to be even more suspicion among readers that self-publishing is still basically amateurism, only in fancier clothes. I never try to conceal the fact that my anthology is self-published, although in my next breath I do find myself explaining that it’s a collection of (mostly) already-published work, with a dozen or so stories placed in various competitions, so it’s been properly edited and there’s an element of quality control that most self-published books won’t have.

T: One Street Corner Too Soon is the final story in your anthology, why did you choose to end your collection with it?

D: Sorting out a running order was difficult. As the story I was most proud of, and arguably the best thing I’ve had published, I figured Street Corner had to be either the first or last story in the book, and initially it was the opener. But the ending seemed too ‘final’ to lead into another story, and I didn’t think anything else in the collection had the right style of opening to fit comfortably after it, so I shifted it to the end. The way I picture the ending is a slow, cinematic zoom out, with the protagonist in the glare of the street lamp slowly shrinking away to nothing. I think the story as a whole works well at the back, in a sort of save-the-best-‘til-last kind of way. In some ways it’s the story that I think says the most about me as a writer, and I hope if only one story stays with people after they’ve finished reading the book, it’s that one. One of the reviewers on Amazon called it “stunning”, which is as good a response as I could ever hope for.

T: Finally, I’d be interested to know what you think of the question you posed to me, do you think The Guardian are taking advantage of aspiring writers by not paying them? And what did this particular success mean to you back in 2009?

D: I must admit, when I read the comments about how “disgraceful” it was that a respectable newspaper was grabbing first publication rights for free, my first thoughts were that it was a nasty display of sour grapes. I was annoyed and a little upset, because the comments were made on a website I was a member of, and possibly even on the thread where I’d mentioned I had been shortlisted. It came across as a personal attack and undermined what felt like a huge success. Fortunately, The Guardian published Street Corner online a few days later, and I started getting some brilliant feedback from family, then friends, and then strangers, who’d read it. I don’t think the paper is taking advantage of anybody. They’re upfront about the fact that publication is the only prize, and as you mentioned in Part One, it’s free to enter the competition. So nobody’s being tricked.

For me, getting a publishing credit there is worth so much more than a monetary prize. When people find out I write, the first question they ask is usually, “Have you had anything published?” Obviously now I can whip out a copy of my anthology, but back in 2009 this result meant my answer went from mumbling the names of a couple of competitions they’d never heard of to being able to say, “Well, you know The Guardian?” And I don’t mean that in a smug way; it’s just a question of giving people from outside the writing world something they recognise. I don’t know whether you find that when you tell people you’re in a Bridport anthology, their reaction is entirely governed by whether they write or not?

T: Yes, completely. It’s hard to get across what the Bridport Prize means, but the ‘G’ word – everyone knows.

D: Exactly. And I think it has a reputation for quality that people respect, so it comes across as a tangible endorsement of your work. Anyway, for me, the Guardian result was a huge boost, a very welcome one that helped reassure me I wasn’t entirely wasting my time tapping away at the laptop.

Of course, for a while it also triggered an immense fear that I had somehow lucked out completely, and I’d never get another result anywhere. I nervously awaited my public unmasking as a total fraud. However, the enthusiasm it gave me to keep writing, and keep challenging myself, has meant that hasn’t been the case. It just took a while for me to come to terms with the fact that not every story can be the best thing I’ve ever written, and that it doesn’t actually matter; it’s just a question of making each piece as good as I can and trusting in luck and perseverance to do the rest.

-------------------------------------------------

Thanks for that, Dan. I had an enjoyable experience chatting and thinking and then trying to articulate things, and learning more about your writing process for One Street Corner, which is maybe one of my favourite short stories. Maybe.

(Oh, and I should point out here that although I am irritatingly young, I get the vinyl reference.)

Guardian Interview

2012-01-07T13:45:00.003Z

That up there is a totally cheeky attention grabbing post title which is actually not really a lie.

I am guesting over at Dan Purdue's blo g - talking mostly about my Guardian Summer Reads story, Things Which Are Not True, and some other writery things.

Click here to read my story over on the Guardian website, and head over to Dan's blog to have look at our interview.

There will be a 'Part Two' published here on Monday, in which I ask Dan questions about his Guardian 2009 story, One Street Corner Too Soon, and a few other bits of interesting writer-chat things.

Please say hello if you head over to Dan's blog, and check out his competition to win £50 in Amazon vouchers while you're there.

Thanks!

It's not like that

2012-01-05T12:49:00.004Z

I think one of the biggest surprises I had when I started writing was that writing fiction doesn't start with an idea, followed by an opening paragraph, then a middle, then an ending.

When I was little and adults asked what I 'wanted to be' well - actually I was a teenager - this is a very teenage response - I'd say something like 'I don't want to be one thing, I want to do loads of things' and I'd list a few of them, and one was always 'write a novel'.

I imagined getting a blank book and filling it. And, although I'm not writing a novel now, I think that deep rooted idea of what writing would be like has stayed with me and reared its head at times when I've thought I'm not doing it right.

I've been prompted to write this post from a discussion I'm having with a writer friend about writer stuff, and in the conversation I've found myself saying 'I'm not a linear writer'. I know I'm not the only one, but it felt like a useful moment as I considered that.

Hello, 2012

2012-01-01T15:31:00.002Z

This year I will be better at:
- not getting distracted by the internet when I'm writing
- finishing things

I might come along in a few days and write a longer post which looks back on 2011 a bit and expands a bit on my plans for 2012 but right now let's go with the abridged version.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

2011-12-23T16:06:00.003Z

A few weeks ago I lit this candle

which I had been 'saving' for some yet to happen purpose, like winning a writing prize or finishing some big piece of work. I hadn't won anything, or finished anything, but decided to light the candle to celebrate what can be done.

I haven't written much these past few weeks. As much as I escape into writing I also need a calm headspace to operate in, and Christmas brings about turbulence and demands like no other time of year because, as some of you will know, it also marks the time I lost my Mum, 2 years ago.

I had a sense that I wanted to make something in some way so I set about making christmas cards, mostly for the people I really appreciate knowing but don't see very much. It took me a week, and a fair amount of sequins and gold pens and glitter paint. Sometimes I sat with a big pair of headphones on and sang out loud as I stuck stars onto glittery skies. It felt good.

Now, 2 days after Mum's anniversary, I suddenly feel calm again. It's like getting over another hurdle. For the first time in a while I feel optimistic, and rested, and loved, and ready to face Christmas. And beyond that, the New Year, and all that can be done.

Whatever this time of year means to you, I hope you can find the calm in it all.

India's Book: call for submissions

2011-12-06T13:08:00.003Z

Do you know India Emmott?

She's about 25, has lived in London all her life, plays clarinet. Ringing a bell?

Go here for more info, see if it's the girl you're thinking of, and if it is, write about her, or your time with her, and send it to Matt Shoard (editor of Fleeting Magazine) who's putting together a biography about her. Do this by Dec 31st and it may be included in the book, The Life Of India Emmott.

The book is represented by lit agent David Miller at RCW. And I'm gonna be in it, cos I knew India once.

Leibster Award

2011-12-01T16:58:00.007Z

Thank you to the poet Myfanwy Fox who gave me a 'Liebster Award' last week and said some pretty lovely things about me on her blog. (As well as broadcasting the fact that we've slept together.)

Thank you, Myfanwy - whose poetry is just beautiful, more so if you have the privilege of hearing her read it aloud in a quiet kitchen in a corner of the Yorkshire Dales - pins could have dropped with some volume.

As is the nature of the bloggy award I have a task or two to do. Here's the info on this particular one, which is different to a few of the others I've had before - dammit - you don't get to read 7 new things about me - shame.

Leibster is a German word meaning dearest, and the award is given to up-and-coming bloggers with less than 200 followers.

If you receive the award, you should:

1. Thank the giver and link back to the blogger who gave it to you.

2. Reveal your top five picks and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog.

3. Copy and paste the award on your blog.

4. Hope that the people you’ve sent the award to forward it to their five favourite bloggers and keep it going!’

The 5 blogs I'd like to suggest to you are:

Other Words by Karen Jones: for her brilliant 12-part 'Cruise Diary'. Karen's Mum has been trying to get her to go on a cruise with her for ages - Karen yielded this year - and entertained hugely with her daily observations.

Escape Behaviours by Rachel Fenton: a fascinating epic graphic poem by poet and artist (and more things besides) Rachel Fenton. In her own words:

"More of an oddity than an Odyssey, Escape Behaviours is based on the real life experience of me and my partner migrating to New Zealand from the North of England, getting broke, getting married, and almost getting immediately divorced, but mostly it's a tongue in cheek exploration of stuttering. I gave my husband speech bubbles so you can understand him and love him too."

Anna Cathenka by ... Anna Cathenka: she's a feisty feminist and she's not afraid to construct an intelligent and thought-provoking post. Oftentimes inspired by David Mitchell for she loves him.

Ava and the Snowman by Kendal Chalk: for lovely photography of a new and adventurous family.

And this one is a kind-of cheat because it's not a blog, but a website, that most of you have probably heard of - so totally out of the spirit of this award which is meant for blogs with less than 200 followers... but etsy is a great website to find and buy unique and interesting gifts from independent sellers and artists... and in that way it's quite 'small', and so it is perhaps appropriate.

Feeling lucky, punk?

2011-11-22T17:00:00.002Z

...this writer is: JF Rodrigues

He's put a bet on himself at William Hill that he'll win the Man Booker before he's 60. (He's 47 now.)

It's ambitious, driven - I won't be doing it myself but whatever gets you motivated, right?

My favourite grape variety in white wine is Sauvignon (this is relevant, honest) and knowing that the Sancerre region of France is famed for its Sauv Blanc I asked Mario to buy me a bottle last Christmas so I could save it and open it when I'd finished writing something longer than a short story.

11 months on and it still sits atop the kitchen top.

(Now I must reassure myself) Don't panic, Teresa! You are a bitty writer, you write a bit here, a bit there, work on several things at once, all is not lost, etc etc.

ANYWAY. That wine is my motivator. But I'm worried now - how long will it stay 'good'? It says 2009 on it - how long have I got???

What about you, do you have anything set up to motivate you?

I said this post would be awesome...

2011-11-18T18:31:00.006Z

...it *might* not be.

But I was thinking how much I love having days off to write. I work two jobs and my shifts can vary, but at the moment they are Friday - Tuesday so Wednesday and Thursday are free, and they are usually the days I knowingly and more fully dedicate time to writing. And even though these days are my own, I definitely have a programme of some kind, a routine I follow.

So because I like it when writers tell you a bit about their routine (and if you read my previous post you will know I am rehabilitating myself as a blogger) I thought I'd share my recipe for a good writing day.

1. Mario is at work/out. I can write when he is at home, but I realised a couple of years ago that I need, and like, time to myself to write, and that should only be interrupted if I interrupt it. Also, that way, if I don't do much, it's MY FAULT, no one else's.

2. I do all the boring stuff early on. Washing up, laundry, posting parcels (which I don't do a lot of, but I did today), food shopping. All done before noon, ideally.

3. Coffee in a coffee shop. I sit there with my notebook, maybe a paper, maybe a writing magazine, and if I don't write or feel like it it's okay, this part is just about being somewhere I've chosen to be on my day off and having a good coffee. Usually I write at least a list of what I want to do that day.

4. Freedom - I downloaded this programme for about £6 and it's ace. I spoke about it here. It blocks the internet - and this focuses my energy to, you know, writing. I find 2 hour chunks work well for me.

5. Ssssh. Quiet. Not like deadly silence, but I can't write with music on. I wish I could, it'd be nice to be one of those writers who gets inspired by music and tiptaps away all full of intense musicality.

6. Tea. I've had a coffee, I'd like a green tea in the afternoon, please. And a biscuit. Ta.

That's usually it, actually, but every so often...

7. I like to put on my favourite shirt. It is falling apart, I can't wear it in public, but there is something about it I love. When I'm wearing it I think I'm a bohemian painter or something.

Tell me about your recipe for writing - post in the comments below or create a post of your own and I'll link to it.

Blog-o-fear

2011-11-17T15:15:00.005Z

I have become a hestitant blogger. If I don't have any writing news, I don't know what to write (here). Or I do, but there is a voice in my head saying, 'Whogivesashit?'.

So apologies for a real lack of blogs posts here these past few months.

Does anyone else have this problem? Any easy bloggers who don't have that voice there? Or maybe you do but you push it to one side? I think I've done that in the past.

Maybe it's like a lot of stuff, if you think too much about whogivesashit you realise not many people do, or you realise how insignificant the thing you're considering is.

And then you loop back round to, well, just do it - if peopledontgiveashit they'll stay away, right? I reckon it stems from a fear of being judged, like - why are you talking about how many words you've written or what kind of notebooks you use in a public place???

I should just get over myself. I'm being far too British in my hestitating and now far too American in my searching for answers. (Stereotyping a go-go.)

Next post will be awesome.

overheard

2011-11-09T10:26:00.005Z

Middle-aged man in the pub to his friends:

"Would I take her back? Yes. Do I sit there and think about it? No."

New thing and an admin

2011-10-10T16:43:00.003+01:00

Well, 'some' admin, I just like the way that title sounds.

The new thing first - nothing to announce or point you towards, but note-worthy for me. I've been dabbling lately in non-fiction, and have just sent away a short feature article to The Daily Telegraph for their 'Just back from' travel writing competition.

It runs every week, and the winner each week wins £200 in the currency of your (assuming you win, like) choice. I have no travel plans, nor any of my own currency money to spend on a trip, so if I win I'll just get euros and go mad in Top Shop or something. But I'm telling you because I'm excited to have written and subbed a non-fiction thing. A while ago I wrote an article on diary-keeping and pitched it to Oh Comely Magazine but they didn't get back to me. Darn. It is in the process of being re-shaped and will go to this competition very soon instead.

The admin - I have just, at last - I was putting it off because it feels a bit icky, bit big-headed - updated this blog with 2 quotes from 2 well-known and proper writers who judged my stories and said good things about them. They are over in the side-bar now, so, you know, read if you want to.

On a serious note, I'm very happy to be able to add those quotes. They are lovely and generous and I'm proper grateful.

Early Sign Of Wanting To Be A Writer, Number One

2011-09-22T14:14:00.009+01:00

"Dad, I want to be a writer."

"Okay, Teresa, good idea. Why not start by writing to the letters' page of the local paper?"

"Really? And say what?"

"Well, they've just reduced the size from A3 to A4, you could comment on that."

"I could! Afterall, it is more efficient. Anything else?"

"How about writing what you like about the paper?"

"Good idea! Afterall, it is informative and gives me a good idea of what is going on in Armthorpe. Thanks, Dad."

"You're welcome."

I found this in my box of diaries. It's slightly embarassing, the tone is so serious, the letter fairly pointless. But I do remember that conversation with my Dad, his suggestion of writing to the paper and a few pointers on what to say. I didn't get too far though, did I? That list dried right up.

Overheard

2011-08-29T18:03:00.002+01:00

An old lady in a coffee shop, to her coffee drinking companion:

"Now, I need you to do me a favour. Do you get the Advertiser? Right. I need you to look for something for me. You can probably guess what I'm getting at. If there's a certain death announcement, cut it out for me. No, he's not dead yet. Look, it's a long story, just cut it out if it's there."

I heard this (she had a loud voice) before I looked up to see where it was coming from. I actually thought the lady was speaking on the phone, but when I looked she was addressing her friend. I'm sure the real-life situation isn't as crazy as she made it sound, but it was very intriguing so obviously I had to transcribe it there and then.

"Oh hey so I love you! Oh, no, I just sicked it up."

2011-08-23T16:34:00.005+01:00

Maybe the strangest title I've used so far for a short story. But I like it.

A while ago I wrote about my experience of taking part in The Art House Co-op Fiction Project back in April/May. Today I got a notification to say the notebook I submitted has been digitized and is now available to read online.

Oh hey so I love you! Oh, no, I just sicked it up is a light-hearted story about being young and being dumped. It's semi-auto-biographical, based on a long-ago experience of breaking up with my first boyfriend when I was 17. I didn't set out to write that story, but it grew as I made notes for the chosen theme of my notebook (Inside/Outside) as that age-old line came into my head: 'I love you, I'm just not in love with you.'

So we fall in love, we fall out of love, and the poor buggers who stay consistently in love sometimes get dumped. And sometimes they do ridiculous things after they've been dumped, like decide it hasn't really happened just so they don't have to think about it for a bit. Then they face it again, and like any bad experience, it feels too big, too impossible to deal with. Then, a spark of light might show, and it will probably sod off again fairly quickly but it was there, and it will come back, and it will join up with other bits of light to make you feel better.

This is the first page, click here to read the rest (a further 27 pages).

Stand by your ban

2011-08-15T17:44:00.002+01:00

Well, it's more like a challenge than a ban.

For as long as I feel like it, the only writing I'll be doing will be on my book. No short story-ing, no entering competitions. Not for too long, you understand. Maybe a month.

Why would I do this? Well, I really want to get some momentum going on my book project and I think I need the focus.

I'll let you know how I go... it's been 3 days thus far.

la la la.

Guardian Short Story

2011-07-23T15:00:00.004+01:00

Things Which Are Not True

published on The Guardian website today as part of their Summer Reads Fiction Special

When Coral announces: "I'm just going on holiday for a lark, really," no one reacts. A word like "lark" is wasted on her colleagues. She heard it last week on a TV home makeover show, and Coral wrote it in her notebook under the heading Words To Say. In the column "Example" she wrote, "I'm just doing it for a lark, really" with "Casual, nonchalant" in the "Delivery" section. That word "nonchalant" has an entry all of its own earlier in the book. It also appeared on the list Things To Be In 2007.
Coral has sung Summer Holiday a lot throughout the morning, just to make sure everyone knows she's going away. When she came back from Llandudno in November, they hadn't even realised she'd been gone. This is different, though. She's also hummed Y Viva Espana in the photocopy queue. Plus she's taken her luggage to work, saying that she has to go straight to the airport at five o'clock. But really she's not flying until tomorrow morning, so the backpack is full of tinned food wrapped in towels to soften the edges.

click here to continue reading

and here for links to stories by Jon McGregor, Jennifer Egan, David Nicholls, and winner of the Summer Fiction competition - Fan Flaherty. The other 3 runner up stories were written by George Craig, Maggie Robb and Ursula Wills Jones.

Closing soon

2011-07-22T16:57:00.003+01:00

A few places to send your short stories to that have caught my eye:

Hay on Wye Short Story Contest
Up to 2000 words
£400 1st prize, £200 for 2nd, £100 for 3rd
£6 entry fee
Closes 31st July
* postal submissions only *

Sean O'Faolain Prize
Up to 3000 words
1500 euros 1st prize + publication in Southwold Lit Journal + week retreat at Anam Cara, 2nd prize is 500 euros + publication. Four other stories will appear in Southwold and each will receive 120 euros.
Entry fee is 15 euros
Closes 31st July
* absolutely amazing first prize - they also promise to take good care of the winner if they come to Cork to collect their prize:

"...we will lavish them with hotel accommodation, meals, drinks and VIP access to the literary stars at the Cork International Short Fiction Festival (14-18 September 2011)." *

Ilkley Literature Festival
Up to 3000 words
£200 1st prize
£4 to enter
Closes 31st July
* postal submissions only *

Manchester Fiction Prize
Up to 3000 words
£10,000 1st prize
£15 entry fee
Closes 12th August
* There is only one prize of£10,000 - though this could be split between 2 winners if the judges decide to *

Guardian Short Story Comp Runner-up

2011-07-18T16:48:00.004+01:00

Yes I am - I'm delighted/thrilled/excited/ecstatic and all those other words that don't quite fit and feel a bit weird to say... that my story, Things which are not true, was chosen by Jon McGregor and Nicholas Blincoe to be a runner up, that is one of 4, chosen as not-winners (there's one winner) but 4 'almosts' - who will be published online alongside some established authors (I don't know who yet) as part of The Guardian's Summer Reads fiction special on July 23rd.

I'm, well, all those words up in that first sentence there.

**************

AND

Radio 4 are planning to cut their 3-per-week programmes of 'Afternoon Reading' down to just 1 (it used to be 5, a very short time ago). Tania Hershman has written a blog post on this - please sign the petition, tweet about it, blog about it. The BBC support short stories, and Afternoon Reading broadcasts one per episode.

Thanks.

Don't be prissy, yeah?

2011-07-08T12:58:00.004+01:00

I stumbled upon this quote today, over at AdviceToWriters, and had to share it. It's from Richard Ford. I think it's pretty spot-on.

Beware of writers who tell you how hard they work. (Beware of anybody who tries to tell you that.) Writing is indeed often dark and lonely, but no one really has to do it. Yes, writing can be complicated, exhausting, isolating, abstracting, boring, dulling, briefly exhilarating; it can be made to be grueling and demoralizing. And occasionally it can produce rewards. But it's never as hard as, say, piloting an L-1011 into O'Hare on a snowy night in January, or doing brain surgery when you have to stand up for 10 hours straight, and once you start you can't just stop. If you're a writer, you can stop anywhere, any time, and no one will care or ever know. Plus, the results might be better if you do.

Richard Ford

From Advice to Writers by Jon Winokur

2011-07-07T14:46:00.003+01:00

This week:

- I'm trying NOT to keep thinking how ace it would be to win one of the writing competitions I'm entered into (see sidebar)
- So with that I'm working on NOT checking my emails every 3-4 minutes
- And instead I'm working on writing new things / editing old things / seeking new places to sub to
- Trying to look after myself a bit better in general
- Ties in nicely with a free invitation to a health spa from my friend Anna. As well as eating cake while wearing a dressing gown I'm also going to have a reiki session - something I've been tempted by for a while, and I'm TOTALLY ready for my chakras to be balanced
- I have a penchant for capital letters
- I see that is a bit teenage
- I've finally started watching the BBC's adaptation of 'Case Histories' and have subsequently fallen in love with Jasan Isaacs
- I see that is a bit teenage

a few things

2011-06-20T14:06:00.005+01:00

Just some bits and bobs.

I had a great weekend away with my writer-friends last week. We spent a few days in a ramshackle house in the Yorkshire Dales, talking, writing, cooking, and drinking. I actually wrote very little, but that's okay. We did a couple of critique sessions, and just being with like-minded people, who I happen to like a whole lot, was useful and inspiring.

My letter about the Lee Child article got printed in July's Writing Magazine. I was a bit alarmed (in a minor way) when I saw the heading they'd put above it, 'Challenging Child', and also that the letter by the side of it is from a writer who agrees with everything Child said in that interview. Only alarmed because I hoped I didn't come across as prissy, because actually I did agree with a lot of Child's points about writing, apart from the bit I wrote the letter about. I can't include the whole letter here (rights are with the mag) but here are a few snapshots:

Other stuff...

In an attempt to be useful to my readers who are writers, here a few competitions that close on June 30th:

The Bridport Prize
Stories: up to 5000 words
Flash: up to 250 words
Poems: 42 lines max
Story and poems 1st prize: £5000 each
Flash prize: £1000
Entry fees: Story £7, poem £6, flash £5.

Lightship Literary Competitions
Stories: up to 5000 words
Poems: up to 200 words
First chapter: up to 5000 words + 400 words synopsis
Story and poem first prize: £1000
First chapter prize: expert mentoring from an acclaimed literary author, a top literary agent and a commissioning editor as you write your novel.
Entry fees: Story £12, poem £8, first chapter £12.

*Note - this is the first year of this prize and the judges are very high profile - looks promising*

The Cinnamon Press Writing Awards
Stories: 2000-4000 words
Poems: up to ten poems, each 40 lines max
Novel/novella: first 10,000 words
Story and poems 1st prize: £100 + publication
Novel/novella prize: £400 + publication
Entry fees: £16 for all categories
(steep, but includes copy of winners' anthology. I guess it's a high entry fee to fund the novel/novella category?)

Okay folks, those are the basic details, take a look at each website for more information on how to enter etc.

Good luck if you enter any of them.

Question: do you get put off by competitions that only accept hard copy submissions?

The Fiction Project 2011

2011-06-02T16:25:00.010+01:00

It's a few weeks since I completed my notebook for Art House Co-op's Fiction Project. Right now it's somewhere in the US amongst thousands of other notebooks getting ready to go on tour.

I wonder what the other notebooks are like. I wonder if my notebook is getting on okay with all the other notebooks. It's very lo-fi. I hope no one's making fun of him.

Having a blank notebook to fill was a really exciting and different way of writing a story. Different because the physical-ness of having the book, the end 'thing', gave focus as well as freedom - all these pages (80 sides) to fill with anything... could have been almost too much freedom. It would have been easy to get too distracted by all the ways you could fill these pages. Having a theme and a deadline helped with that.

I chose the theme 'Inside/Outside' when I signed up, and it inspired some early ideas before the final story I went with. And what I didn't expect was that I would re-work an already existing story in a really new way. Crazily, it's one of the first stories I ever wrote once I decided to 'be a writer' about 5 years ago.

'The Box' was about two just-broken-up-lovers who meet to go over the contents of their 'box' - a shoe box - that held all the mementos of their relationship. It was, as is common for new writers to do, written about a real life personal experience. But it wasn't really a story, it was me working through some old but resonant feelings from being dumped when I was 17. But I've often gone back to have a look at it, to see if something will click and I might be able to make something from it.

So - you know where this is going - but I'll lay it out anyway. I was writing out some notes, thinking about 'Inside/Outside' and it lead onto the idea of love - how we are fall in it, fall out of it, and when we're dumped it's usually because the other person suddenly isn't 'in' anymore, and it's baffling, hurtful, but wtf does it mean? It just means they've changed their minds really, but the effect on the dumped, the trying to make sense, and failing, appealed to me.

And I knew what it felt like, but I didn't want to write it from my POV. So I wrote it from a guy's perspective, a boy who has just been dumped out of the blue. Suddenly all this energy and comedy came to the story, and I got to use my own experiences, and see them, in a new way. The whole tone changed, and 'The Box' morphed into...

See, I said it was lo-fi. That's the girl being sick on the front, not a metal detector. There are a few drawings in amongst the words. I didn't fill the whole book, but I've invited anyone who reads it to write on the blank pages, to tell a story about a time they were dumped, or dumped someone else. It's nice to think the book could be added to.

It will be soon be available to read in full online, until then I'll leave you with a few more photos of the process and of some of the words.

It takes several notebooks to make a notebook - different drafts in different places ready to be copied up into the blank book on the right.

A slightly neater version than this made it into the end version. But I think the scruffiness of the drawings work for the story.

A couple of pages from the final version

The back of the book showing my unique bar code so anytime someone 'checks it out' to read it I'll get an email notification.

Me and the book just before I sent it away. We will never be reunited. Unless I go to Brooklyn Art Library where he will live out the rest of his days post-tour.

So yeah, a really free-ing way to put words together. And it's very 'fulfilling' that an old piece of writing from an even older event has found a new way of living.

I'm still not sure it's a 'story', it's probably a slice of life, but that's what I love about this project - you can do anything with your book, and I know there will be some amazing works of art around my offering, but I love the connected-ness of it, all these books with a bit or a lot of heart poured into their pages being read by total strangers who can scan their fingers over the pages and feel the dents I made with my pen.

For more information on Art House Co-op and their notebook projects have a look here.

freedom

2011-05-29T18:05:00.001+01:00

It's been too long since my last post. I've been using the internet a lot less, mostly because I bit the bullet and downloaded the ironically-named software 'Freedom' which you can use to banish the internet connection from your computer for a time of your choosing (between 15minutes and 8 hours).

It's pretty simple, and I like it. It allows me to control what I do when the part of my brain that's restless during writing prods me and suggests I check my emails (just in case I got any in the last 4 minutes). I've had it on my desktop for about 2 weeks, and actually I just realise now I haven't used it much this past week. I'm cured!

So I've been working on my book, and I'm about 6000 words in which is good going for me. I've started and stopped and re-worked and re-approached this idea so many times. I get so far and think, 'Is this really the right way to write this idea???' and that can be debilitating. But whatever I'm doing is working at the moment so I'm just steaming on with it, picking it up whenever I have the time/energy/inclination.

There's a nice mention for my story Willesden Herald shortlisted story Blue Raincoat in this interview with the first prize winner, Mary O'Shea. I was really thrilled when I read what Mary said, really honoured to be in her top 3 from the anthology. Which you can win a copy of if you leave a comment below the interview (before May 31st).

Other stuff... hm, didn't get longlisted for The Bristol Prize. Bugger. Still waiting to hear back from a few places for other stories. The new issue of Writing Magazine will be out in the next week or so, I'll let you know if my letter gets in. My letter-writing is at an optimum this month - I've also written to the head office of the company I work for about a policy they've put in place that has, erm, how to put this? Angered myself and the rest of the staff. Adding 'Disgruntled letter writer' to my CV fo' sure.

Dear Sir

2011-05-04T15:11:00.003+01:00

Have gone all indignant about an interview I read with Lee Child in Writing Magazine - indignant enough to write to the letters' page about how I really don't agree with his view that writers who struggle with finding time to write, or the discipline to write 'are probably not motivated correctly to be a writer.'

My problem with it is that it's too black and white, doesn't allow for much deviation, but mostly I think it could be dangerous to read if you're a writer who's going through a bad spot.

I'll let you know if it gets published.

Other news

The Fiction Project book I'm putting together is almost finished - I have the content ready (remember - it's the story called 'Oh hey so I love you! Oh, no, I just sicked it up') and will transfer it into the Moleskine tomorrow and the day after, then it's going to the US where it hooks up with all the other participating Moleskines to go on tour, eventually winding up at Brooklyn Art Library. The whole process has been useful and interesting - I'll write a post about it when I've got it finished and posted away.

Away I go now to my evening bar shift. Often when I'm working later in the day I get more done, a race against the clock kinda thing.

age, lambs

2011-04-29T18:14:00.005+01:00

I have passed into a new decade: I'm 30.

Aagh, eeugh, oooh. It's not that different. Is it? It is a bit.

I've been ready for it, I have to say. I've seen it coming. Been flexing myself. Facing it.

It's funny, I can feel old in some areas of my life like my day job: surrounded by students; my weekend job: mostly working with 20-somethings. But then I go to the shop for a bottle of wine and get asked for ID, or I'm at a writing event and people say - 'You're young to be a writer'.

S'confusing.

I know that when I was younger, I imagined a different 30 year old. She was definitely in control and totally sure of who she was and she probably had everything she'd need in life by then because she's 30 - i.e. she is OLD.

But it's not like that, is it? Does anyone ever feel they have it all sussed, feel totally in control, totally sure of everything they do? If they do, do I believe them? If I believe them, how interesting will they be after a few minutes? (Harsh?)

I know that I am grateful for what I have and where I am. Counteract any doubts with thankfulness. Be happy with now (because really - what else is there?).

So they are just some thoughts that happened when I crossed a decade.

Other stuff...

Holiday!

I worked to be at peace with 'the now' while on holiday - because it was so beautiful, so good to be away from things, with Mario, that on Day One I felt some kind of panic about leaving in 4 days! How ridiculous.

I'll share a few photos, and I'll end with some video footage of lambs. It's lambing season - and I must own up to loving all kinds of lamb, esp Souvlaki, before you think me a veggie, but I especially get excited by little (live) lambs. These photos will conclude with a video of some frolicking lambs.

I call it (imagine how thrilled I was to think up this play on words): 'Lamb-cam: Lamb-pede'.

Photos first.

Our cabin

Had a veranda (we live in a flat and I long for outside-ness) where we ate breakfast, drank tea, coffee, wine...

Where I had a sit and writ

We did lotsa walking

and climbing over stiles

and lamb-looking

Ready for Lamb-cam: Lamb-pede?

update

2011-04-15T18:33:00.010+01:00

So - last week I went to the prize-giving for the 2011 Willesden Herald Prize, held in a room within an unexpectedly big library space in London. I knew I was one of the 12 finalists, and that my story was to be published in the anthology, and I also knew I hadn't bagged one of the top spots - so it was actually a more relaxed affair, as relaxed as these weird literary events can be.

Pleasingly, I got to speak to the judge, Maggie Gee, for some time in the pub afterwards. She was great, and encouraging when she found out we had something in common: both not taking a career route in our 20s, instead working in a job with little responsibility to have a go at being a writer.

This is good to hear. Every so often, especially as I'm 30 next week, I have a 'What have I done?' moment, compare myself to friends who are succeeding in their chosen fields and feel inadequate. It's part to do with confidence, and we all falter with that from time to time, and part because it's not always easy to measure success on this route. Being published and winning prizes are part of it, especially as markers, assurances that you're heading the right way, but they're not the whole story. Publication is good for your outer-writerly-ness, but nothing is ever really as good as the moments you are writing something that feels right and good at that very moment in time. But that's a solitary thing, a hard to communicate thing.

The prize-giving event itself was interesting and the whole thing was an enjoyable night. I feel really lucky to be one of the 12 writers in the book, especially as there were 385 entries to start with. It was also a real pleasure to meet Mary O'Shea, who won first prize with her story 'Out of Season', which I read the next day and thought was brilliant, moving and a very worthy winner. I'm in the process of making my way through the rest of the stories, but so far another stand-out story is 'Overnight Miracles' from A.J. Ashworth.

It was good to meet organiser Stephen Moran, and also see Vanessa Gebbie too - we met at Bridport in 2009 - she'd been a winner in 2007 and returned to host the after-event, and at this year's Willesden she was a kind of guest of honour, a previous winner again - I joked that I'm following her around the lit prize circuit, a few years behind.

Vanessa has written a review of the Willesden anthology here, and it was pretty wonderful to read within that review "There is the spare and enigmatic writing of Teresa Stenson" . This could be my first review... Although, Maggie Gee did a really generous thing too - in the speech she gave on the judging process she mentioned all 12 stories and why she liked / chose them.

This is actually rare, from my experience so far, and it definitely 'seals' something. It was filmed and should be available for me to link to at a future date. Aside from the ego-trip (for me) I think it's a useful speech about the judging process in general. I'm always fascinated to hear how these things work, even on a practical level. I like to know how many entries there are, who reads them all, how many get passed on to the judge, and that's all before you get down to the subjective nature of picking the 'best' stories. Anyway, I am going on a bit...

So that was Willesden. Sadly, it looks like it was the last one.

*UPDATE* - it is not the last one - they've only gone and bagged Roddy Doyle to judge this year's prize! (closing around Dec I should think, like last year) Amazing.

Other stuff...
I'm getting ready to go on an eagerly awaited holiday next week. Just somewhere in the countryside, just me and Mario, just can't wait. Reading and writing materials at the ready.

Fiction project
I'm working on making my book for the art project I said this about in February:

"I've signed up for this: The Fiction Project - it costs $25 to participate - they send you a Moleskine notebook, you fill it, send it back, it becomes part of an exhibition with other completed notebooks, goes on tour across America to selected arts venues, winds up at Brooklyn Art Library. It can be read, 'checked out' by visitors, and if you want to pay the extra $20 it will be digitised for the website, for you, for anyone to view whenever."

Here's a photo of what I started out with:

Pretty much a blank Moleskine notebook.

The theme I'm working with is 'Inside/Outside', which has done what I expected and hoped for - led to some interesting and exciting tangents of stories, snippets, scenes, that I am putting together to make a fairly light hearted story called 'Oh hey so I love you. Oh no I don't, I just sicked it up.'

Maybe the most charming title I've ever come up with.

You - what about you, reader - say hello to me (if you have a Blogger account, that is. If not, just wave.)

worth remembering, I think.

2011-04-03T18:11:00.005+01:00

Shaun Tan writes and illustrates picture books - beautiful creations. His book, The Red Tree, is one of my favourites.

"A nameless young girl appears in every picture, a stand-in for ourselves; she passes helplessly through many dark moments, yet ultimately finds something hopeful at the end of her journey."

Anyway, the thing that's resonated with me enough to write a blog about it is this quote of his I came across a few days ago:

The artists’ responsibility lies first and foremost with the work itself, trusting that it will invite the attention of others by the force of its conviction.

It's the first bit of the sentence that has struck me. It's not that I haven't heard something like that before, or felt it, it's maybe that it articulates it better than I've heard before. Or that it's come at a time when being reminded of that is good for me.

What do you think? Do you agree? If you're a writer, who is your responsibility to?

question

2011-03-25T13:06:00.003Z

Does anyone know, legally, if it's okay to use a living celebrity in a piece of fiction?

I've written a short story, set in this world, in a very ordinary setting, but a famous person happens to be in it. There's no slander, it's a humorous piece, but I just wonder if there are any laws that say it's not okay to use a living famous person as a character.

Anyone have any ideas?

*Later... I emailed the organisers of the competition I'm sending my story to and they are fine with it. Sac magique! Good to know. *

I knew this woman who fell in love

2011-03-18T16:38:00.002Z

originally published in hum-drum Magazine a few years ago, it's a very short story with 2 picture accompaniments. Click here, or on the tab up there, to read it.

oh look it looks so new!

2011-03-17T18:23:00.003Z

So I've just spent a bit of time making the blog look new, and then I've added links to some old stuff - up there - those 'tabs' that say 'But in the voice (short film)' and 'Ball Wall' - take a look if you like if you will...

'But in the voice' is a short film based on a story I wrote a few years ago and features a spider and the voice of Peter O'Toole*, and me.

'Ball Wall' is one of the first very short stories I wrote and felt good about writing. Both stories appeared in hum-drum Magazine 2007-2008.

I just thought it'd be nice to have them here on my blogsite.

But looking forwards...

I haven't been blogging so much but I have been writing. My picture book / illustrated book / I-don't-want-to-categorise-you-yet-book is developing and I can feel myself getting closer to putting the bottle of Sancerre Mario bought for me at Christmas in the fridge ready for the 'I've written something longer than a short story!' moment which is its purpose.

Resisting the urge to start looking at agents/publishers until it's written. Blocking out the usual cries of advice to 'know your market!' - going with the flow and writing it first.

*voice of Peter O'Toole done brilliantly by me friend and movie maker Miles Watts

Look!

2011-02-28T16:06:00.004Z

Just a quick one to point you to something I think looks ace.

Seems Nicola Morgan has started something with her call for a Complementary (not Alternative, as some places have reported it, including here before I just changed it...) World Book Night - have a look at this article in the Guardian

new project

2011-02-25T16:36:00.005Z

I've signed up for this: The Fiction Project - it costs $25 to participate - they send you a Moleskine notebook, you fill it, send it back, it becomes part of an exhibition with other completed notebooks, goes on tour across America to selected arts venues, winds up at Brooklyn Art Library. It can be read, 'checked out' by visitors, and if you want to pay the extra $20 it will be digitised for the website, for you, for anyone to view whenever.

I'm really excited about starting, but I have to wait until my unique bar-coded Moleskine arrives. It's coming from the US so I expect it'll be a wee while yet. You pick a theme from a list, the theme acts as your starting point, but you can go anywhere from there. You have until May 1st to send your completed notebook back.

Other stuff...

As hinted at by my previous post, I've been more mindful about how I spend my time this week. After a few days of not getting much done, and not feeling relaxed about it, I took a step back from any ideas about how much writing to do. I've spent less time online and been for more walks, and turned a few corners with projects when I have felt like writing.

One of the things I'm working on is an illustrated story, and this programme on BBC4 is inspiring.
The Beauty of Books - Illustrated Wonderlands.

step away from the computer

2011-02-23T14:28:00.003Z

and make youself a writing den.

This is where I am this afternoon.

oh-so-stylish

2011-02-17T18:15:00.006Z

Thanks to Jessica Patient for giving me a Stylish Blogger Award. Stylish, eh? Well I have had my hair cut recently into a bob. It's well arty. In accepting I must tell you 7 things about me. A chance to tell you contrived things about myself in order to sound cool/quirky/lovable/soooo unique? Oh, okay!

1. For the past 2 hours or so I've had the Christmas song Phoebe sings to the friends in Friends in my head endlessly. 'Saw Santa Claus, said hello to Ross'. I'd like it to go out of my head now, please.
2. I like Friends. Still.
3. It's on a lot but I still like it.
4. But it might be responsible for people's unrealistic expectations of how friends should behave.
5. It looks like Courtney Cox has been at the botox.
6. I bet they do a reunion episode soon.
7. I didn't plan to just write about Friends, I just didn't fancy doing the 7 things about me thing. I like it when other people do it, and I did it before, here, so I'm not getting all moral or anything.

And now, I'll nominate 7 blogs I think are well worthy of a look-sie.

1. Anna Cathenka for poetry
2. Lies, Ink from successful short story writer Dan Purdue (also has a competitions calendar)
3. The Coward's Journey for a peep into what happens after your novel is accepted by Bloomsbury
4. Fragments and Snapshots for great over-heard bits of conversation
5. Creepy Queery Girl writes with gusto about her quest for the attention of an agent
6. Snow Like Thought inspiring output from writer Rachel
7. The Happy Kimono always features amazing art and photography

Thanks again to Jessica - her writing blog is great too and it is here.

2011-02-11T15:49:00.003Z

this week I've been:

- learning to tweet. It's weird. For some reason, I'm not getting the hang of it as quickly as I thought I would. I've written a few tweets, mostly in reply to friends I already know, but I don't feel like I'm all cool with it yet. I'm @TeresaStenson if anyone is a comfortable tweeter and wants to say hi.

- riding on the wave of the Willesden Herald shortlisting, a little more than I usually do with an acceptance. Aside from Bridport, it's the most smiley I've been over a 'yes'.

- a butterfly writer, delving into my folders of half-finished stories and seeing what can be shaped up and sent away. And keeping the cogs turning for my illustrated project, doodling and stretching the story in different directions.

- working the day job, as ever, and enjoying it, even the Spanish class I had to notetake in this week. I wish the lecturer had told the class I wasn't a student at the start - would have saved my endless replies of 'Hola, I'm not a student...' every time someone tried to converse with me.

at last

2011-02-09T15:15:00.002Z

after a year of rejections I got a hit!

I've been shortlisted for The Willesden Herald short story prize with my story Blue Raincoat.

This acceptance makes me feel especially good because:
- A year!!!
- It's a story I wrote a few years ago that's almost been accepted (shortlisted at Mslexia, highly commended at Aesthetica) but never quite made it.
- And maybe for that reason this feels unexpected.
- And it made me do a little dance when I got the email.

There are 12 shortlisted stories, but the top 3 won't be announced until the prize-giving event of which I know nothing about just yet. I'll keep you posted.

Must say cheers to Vanessa Gebbie for posting a blog about what this prize meant to her just before the closing date. I read her post and entered on a whim.

And well done to the other writers on the list. You can see who they are here.

February, innit

2011-02-02T16:37:00.004Z

At the start of January I made a list of what I'd like to get done, writing-wise, in the month. There were four things, and they were these (things):

Complete:
- story for Mslexia Magazine
- a piece of non-fiction

Continue work on:
- Book project 1
- Book project 2

Check out the colour-code. Green - I did those things. Red - I did not do that thing.

I started the non-fiction piece a few times, but a combination of the subject matter (needed more research than I thought at first) and that it wasn't a priority or deadline-based thing shunted it to the back of the queue. When I considered what I wanted to do this month, the non-fiction piece doesn't feature.

So many things came from my writing time in January that I am happy with. Like:

Book Project 1 soared to new heights with a 500 words per day output for a week or so.
And then it came to an abrupt halt. It didn't feel like it was going the right way. More words, yes, but there are things to do before the words increase any more. Vague, but part of February's writing time will be moving on with this project, and I will be sharing more with you as it develops.

Book Project 2 is the picture book I told you about in my previous post. It is forming nicely, still in its first draft, but edging together. Progress with this project is the priority for February.

I'm not as strict with the no-internet-before-writing pact I made a few weeks ago because I seem to be naturally veering towards 'Word' when I'm at my laptop instead of 'Mozilla'. I am excited about something I found on this blog about Better Writing Habits (thanks Miles). There's a program you can download for $10 that blocks your internet for up to 8 hours at a time (you choose how long you want rid of it). It's called Freedom, here's the link if you want to have a look. Dave Eggers uses it, this is a piece in The Guardian about him and it.

I'm thinking about it - I'd probably just try it for an hour or two at a time and see where it takes me. Or where I take me. It definitely answers my call of 'why can't the internet only come into my house for an hour a day???' which I've been known to wail when I've been more desperate and distracted.

end, middle, new

2011-01-28T17:26:00.002Z

So we are nearly at the end of January. How did that happen? Oh, you know, one hour followed another, blah blah. It has gone pretty quickly for me.

I spent most of the writing-time I've had this month working on a story for the Mslexia short story competition. It's the one I was having trouble ending but I prepared for that and worked on it as much as I could without smothering it. In the past I've waited until a few days before a competition closes before I tackle the edit, often not subbing it at all because I've left it too late and it's not good enough. Or subbing it in a not-good-enough-state - that's the worst thing. Panic-subbing. Having said that, because this story's end went through so many re-writes, I didn't finish until the closing date itself. S'okay though - I worked at it, and it was the best it could be. Now - it's out there, and I have a sense of freedom that I can work on something else.

So, February's writing focus is on my book-project, and it's a totally different way of writing for me. Kind of. I'll explain - I'm working on a picture book, could be for young adults - though I'm not thinking too much about that yet, I'm just getting the story out. It's been brewing for a while, about 8 months. It started out life as some of my stories do - in my notebook with drawings around the sentences - and it's stayed like that. I mean, it hasn't graduated to the laptop. It feels natural that it has images with it, not always drawings, sometimes simple shapes, lines, or just the text broken up in a way that isn't like this: a sentence following a sentence. Then there are chunks like this: sentences following sentences. I am not thinking too much about how I will market this or what it's potential is. Not yet. I'm enjoying putting it together. As far as the story goes it's fairly loose, but the setting and the main character are strong.

I think, when I said it's a 'different way of writing' - that's not quite what I meant. It's a different thing I'm making. That's it.

And now, to be less about me and more useful for you - I used to list a website called 'Literature Training' as a useful resource for writers, but it has recently become integrated with the National Association of Writers in Education and is called 'The Writing Compass' with a new web address. It's now even more relevant and helpful (and isn't just for writers in education). There's advice on funding and mentoring, listings for competitions and literature magazines looking for submissions, job vacancies... Some of the info will be more relevant to UK-based writers, but the listings include comps and magazines that accept submissions from around the world. Here's the link.

Swoon

2011-01-21T17:05:00.002Z

In the past I've been careful about taking too much from how other writers work - even though I love reading about their routines and habits and desks and what time they get up and all of that.

I couldn't write for a month after reading Stephen King's On Writing - he made his way sound so simple, so alluring that I tried to emulate it and couldn't, and felt like a failure. That was years ago, and I'm sure there were other things going on rather than me just being halted by King.

But similarly, I was aghast last year when I read that Kate Mosse gets up at 4am to write. You get a lot of that - writers getting up really early to write - for a while I thought that was the only way to do it.

But there is only your own way - as long as you're doing it.

This week I've been influenced, in a good way, by Susan Hill. I've never read any of her work, but she's been interviewed in various magazines and newspapers lately and I think I may have fallen in love with her.

She's direct, confident, assured, and prolific. Totally grounded. Really refreshing.

From her Mslexia interview:

"Who says you have to start writing first thing in the morning? ... Who makes these rules? This sort of thing makes people anxious about their writing before they've even started."

And from The Observer:

It seems redundant to ask if she enjoys writing. "Oh, God, yes!" she exclaims. "I can't stand those writers who make a fuss. I mean, you don't have to do it. I just can't understand this 'it's all so difficult' business. Yes, I love it, and I can't be bothered with 'it's such agony'. That is so pretentious."

Yeah. I love her.

You can read the full Mslexia interview here
and the Observer one here.

endings are my weakness

2011-01-12T15:09:00.003Z

Often, I have real trouble with ending my short stories in a way I'm happy with.

I want my endings to be ending-y enough, but not too THE END-y.

Do you know what I mean?

With the story I'm working on at the moment it comes down to pace. When I started editing it last week I noticed it suddenly speeds up about 3 quarters of the way through, smacking of 'desperately trying to end this now!'.

I think pace is hard to notice when you're up close to a story. I keep making edges of progress with this one and then leaving it for a few days for a bit of clarity. This is proving useful, and the end is forming a bit more naturally with each session.

It will be trying its luck in the Mslexia Women's Short Story Competition which closes on the 24th Jan.

Focus

2011-01-07T15:25:00.005Z

Of my writing resolutions for 2011, I've realised there's one that's more important to get right than the others, and it's the one I've battled with since I started writing about 5 years ago. I listed it as be less distracted by the internet in my resolutions post, but more broadly it's about being focused when I'm 'writing'.

What I really want to get better at this year is using the time outside of my paid job in a more meaningful way. And, actually, it goes beyond writing, and into looking after my well being too.

The most frustrating thing I am prone to doing is being at my desk, wanting to write, but being unable to make the mental commitment to doing it. It's ridiculous, and I completely agree with people who champion the fact that writing isn't that hard - just fooking do it.

I want to make things easier for my brain. And what I tell you next is not mind blowing or revolutionary in the least, in fact it's simple and makes sense but for whatever reason I haven't tried it before now.

OKAY.

For the past 3 days I have changed one small thing that has had a huge impact on what I've written.

Do not go online until you have achieved X, Y and maybe one more thing, Z.

At the start of each day I've decided what X and Y and sometimes Z are, so today:

X = 500 more words on the book
Y = re-edit of short story for Mslexia comp
Z = more work on other book-in-progress

(Z isn't always there, it depends how much time I have in that day to dedicate to writing.)

No emails are checked, no blogs read, no online news fixes quenched until I've ticked off each thing to do for that day. And, it's going really well.

It's not a new thing for me to make lists or find new ways of making lists or attempt new ways of being productive or find new ways to measure productivity but isn't this just the most straight forward way of doing things, ever?

I must credit Nicola Morgan here, for her post just after the new year. Nicola looked back on 2010 and realised she'd really not kept her 2 fairly simple resolutions to put writing at the top of her work priorities, and relax and exercise each day.

It was something about Nicola's realisation that these 2 things - writing and taking care of herself - are the most important things she should attend to in her day that stayed with me after reading her post.

That writing should come first before all else is like I said, simple, unrevolutionary stuff, but gets to the core of what I've been trying to work out for ages.

So, there it is. Three days of doing this and I've written more, read more, relaxed a lot more, and felt in control because it's easier to measure my progress.

Aside from 'No Internet until X Y and Sometimes Z' I've also stopped using the computer for writing or online meanderings after 6pm. This helps distinguish between working and not working, and is probably better for my eyes and my back and my head.

If you're prone to email/FB/google distraction I'd urge you to try these 2 things - though I also know that finding ways to work is a personal thing. If you do try it, let me know. Or tell us how you already focus your writing time.

sofarsogood

2011-01-02T18:17:00.003Z

(not sofas r so good)

So far (yes, it's only the 2nd January) I've been better at the things I wanted to be better at this year - this mainly means I've been more focused on writing and when not writing I've been more relaxed, and also more active (offline).

I've been working on my book, my mystery book - my not - a - novel - not - a - biography - not - non fiction - book book. If work on it keeps a steady pace I'll start talking about it here. I don't know about you, but I definitely can't talk about ideas when they are in the early stages. It's not a superstitious thing, it's more that I'm still working things out and saying things about whatever it is can make me think 'eff off, that's crap'. Also, it has a few different possible directions and I want to know which one I'm taking.

BUT yes. I feel good. I hope the new year has brought optimism and ambition for your writing too.

A few links that might interest you:

Vanessa Gebbie, who recently landed a contract with Bloomsbury to publish her first novel, took my request that she writes about the pre-publication process on her blog and has gone one better, starting a brand new blog where she'll share the journey from a novel being accepted to its publication. I'm really glad that Vanessa took that mini request and is being so generous as to share what must be an exciting, but often overlooked, and no doubtedly full-on in terms of hard work, part of the process of being a published author.

Two of my real-life writer friends started blogs recently: Anna is inspiring, she writes with honesty and bravery at Whatever Works and Kendal over at Ava and the Snowman is a new Mum conjuring thoughtful and beautiful prose. Go see...

I'd like to add to the blogs I follow, do you have any you'd like to recommend? Tell me about your daily must-reads.

another writer looks back at the year and also ahead to the new one

2010-12-31T15:20:00.003Z

2010

I've started this post about 5 times, deleting and re-doing it, unsure of how to really talk about my writing year. Thing is, it's impossible to do it without mentionning Mum. I veer away from blogging / facebooking about Mum, or about anything really personal - it's all part of my love / hate relationship with the idea that we have 'digital doubles' - the side of ourselves we choose to show online. And that I don't think I can get the words right, they will be too dramatic, or too casual, or not natural. But in leaving it out I feel guilty, and dishonest.

Overall I can't judge the 2 things together, only to say that I can't judge them apart. I can't say 'this happened/didn't happen' because of what I was going through. Even for an analytical person it's hard to detach enough to know how you've reacted to such a loss when it's still close by, and when really - you're still in it. But I do feel changed. And thankful.

And I feel hopeful.

I have high hopes and good feelings for 2011.

2011: my writing goals (don't like that word, or resolutions, or aims... can't think of a better one now though. Suggestions?)

- to write and publish something other than short stories. Although I will keep writing and publishing short stories, but I want to stretch myself and write some non-fiction. I have a few ideas for articles and places that might take them, nothing big - I'm new to it and will start small - but I've wanted to dabble in article writing for a while and it's time to add another string, I feel.

- to make good use of my agent contact. One of the most out-of-the-blue and lovely things to happen in 2010 was the offer to send some of my work to a literary agent. This is the kind of thing that you dream of happening - and although I'm not being rose-tinted about it - I know it doesn't mean that when I send something along the agent will love it and want to sign me and that will be the start of something - I am aware of how infrequently you get a chance to converse with someone in the publishing world, and I don't want to let that chance slip away. (If the agent in question reads this, please know that when I say 'make good use of' I just mean 'seize', in a very professional and normal way.)

- be less distracted by the internet. Always something I battle with, any time of year. Not much to be said about it - it's simple - get offline and write.

- and when I suddenly get a good idea, or have a breakthrough moment - don't decide NOW is the time to put the washing in, make a cup of tea, phone a friend, have a bath... odd, this one, only something I've become aware of recently - I can have a really good feeling about something, then just swan off. This is weird, Teresa: stop it.

- make progress with the 3 main projects you are working on right now. 2 books and 1 short story are edging forwards at a very slow speed. Let's speed it up.

I think that's all. It has taken me 3 hours to write this post, I've been doing things in between, but still... It's a hard thing to do though, looking back and looking forward.

I'd like to champion the present too - it never gets enough attention.

bits of christmas

2010-12-28T16:57:00.004Z

So it's that weird time between Christmas and New Year. I quite like it actually. I've always liked New Year: possibilities, ideas, reflections and goals.

I thought I'd share a few images from the last week. Christmas was okay - different without Mum, sadder, more emotional. I didn't feel Christmassy, but I had some nice experiences with Mario's family and my own.

There was also one traumatic experience; we went for a walk on Christmas Day and saw a man jump off a bridge into the (mainly frozen) river. The five minutes it took for the emergency services to get there were awful, frightening and surreal. He was okay, saved. Thankfully. It took a while to get over the feelings it conjured in a such a short space of time, made more intense because Mario wanted to jump in and help him, and I had to hold him back. There were other families around too, and maybe the oddest part of it was the silence, at first, no one spoke, apart from to call 999, I guess we were in shock. But he is out, and saved, and getting help and attention. The rescue response was amazing, how lucky we are to able to dial a number and help comes as fast as it can.

I'll write a post in the next few days that is writing-orientated, I imagine they'll be a list of resolutions and maybe some reflecting on the writing year that's passed. For now, I'll share a few photos.

East meets west:
not really, but this photo epitomises the cultural leanings of the Teresa/Mario household - my contribution: pickled onions and sausages on sticks. Mario brings dolmades (stuffed vineleaves). I love both.

Our mini disco tree, looks good with sausages and pickles a-top.

The lights and the star are up all year round, but they take on a Christmas vibe at Christmas.

I had some lovely presents, but I can't stop admiring my new slipper boots sent from Australia from Mario's sister. Now you can too.

another day

2010-12-17T16:22:00.002Z

another submission.

Finally heard back from Mslexia and although my story got shortlisted for the next issue, it didn't get selected. A small exhale of curses. And move on...

So I've just edited it very slightly and sent it right back out again to here - Notes from the Underground - a free magazine with a huge readership that's distributed all around London, including on the underground. I've wanted to send something to this magazine before, I like that it's free and that it reaches people easily. Cross things for me. Ta.

flick of a switch

2010-12-16T14:53:00.006Z

I just made my first short story submission in 3 months - maybe the longest I've ever gone without entering some kind of competition or writing prize. My focus has been on my novel and a few other longer stories, so it feels amazing to have actually sent something away for consideration.

The end-of-year feeling looms, and it looms in a darker and more significant way as the anniversary of my Mum's death comes with it. This has been the hardest year of my life, and I can feel parts of me falling away, changing. I feel more protective of myself, strangely. In a short time I lost many of the things that held me together, and only recently am I realising that this new scaffolding is coming up around me. It's not like becoming hardened, I'm not that at all. But you do learn things when you go through something like this, about yourself and the people around you. Everyone deals with a bereaved person differently, and some won't deal with you at all. There have been some surprises; thankfully the good outweigh the bad.

I realised this year how much I turn to writing, and not just in the obvious way like writing how I'm feeling in my diary. If I've had a tough day, or I've been thinking over some hard or painful stuff, I'll consciously switch myself to 'writer' mode, and often it's as explicit as saying out loud: 'Okay - to writing now'. Or I'll write those words down after a journal entry, like I'm flicking a switch and going into another world.

It's not always about creating something, it can be about doing something practical, like researching places to sub to, or filing something, or sending some work out to an editor. It's probably to do with identity, and control, which I guess are two things I've been trying to keep hold of all year.

come to me, ideas

2010-12-10T15:10:00.002Z

spark and light up a bulb
like ta-da!
you keep tapping me on the shoulder
and then running away

you're an idea of an idea
a whisker, a wave
from too far away

I'm walking towards you
I'm doing my bit.

That's just a bit of nonsense I wrote this week in my notebook as I worked on developing some ideas for a novel. You know that feeling when you're trying to get a plot point sorted, or you're struggling with some aspect or another, and it feels like it's there just somewhere out of reach... it was a bit like that.

this week

2010-11-29T14:11:00.003Z

Hello, wowsers - the weather outside is frightful...

So this week I've been busy with the work I do for money and the writing I do for eventual international acclaim. I've been productive and disciplined. Most of the time.

I also caught up with an old friend, someone I haven't seen for 5 years, and had a day full of laughter. This was great, good for the soul. It's heartening to meet up with someone from your long-ago past and still find you can make each other laugh.

I read 'The Road' very quickly, too quickly perhaps - have never been more tempted to read the last page of any book as much I was with this one. I waited, and I thought it was brilliant.

I'm working every spare minute I have on a story to send to the Fish Short Story Prize - I have very little time in my schedule today and tomorrow but I'm doing it anyway.

It's snowing - a lot - a whole lot - where I live. I learned that my walking boots aren't that good at gripping or treading in sludge and ice. I'm walking very slowly. Shuffling, you might say.

Now, I'm off to meet a friend for coffee before work (I might have lied when I said I'm writing 'every spare minute'. But it is essential to have breaks.)

I have to shuffle to get there, best set off early. Here's a view of the snow from my window, when it first started falling a few nights ago

Writing Weekend

2010-11-19T17:46:00.003Z

So, I'm back from the writing weekend - which was both productive and fun. I stayed in a cottage in the Yorkshire Dales with 6 other writers, none of whom I'd met before. I've been in contact with a few online, including Dan Purdue, for about 3 or 4 years. We've been in a closed (as in not public) writing forum for that time, reading and critiquing each other's work and having as closer to banter as you can get in a virtual world. I was, naturally, nervous about going along and meeting everyone, but it was fantastic - a challenge, yes - but rewarding, and confidence boosting in many ways.

Aside people being as normal as I hoped (yes! didn't get killed!) they were as interesting, funny and useful as they are online too. 'Useful' - couldn't think of another way to put it, but I mean it in relation to the feedback I got during the review circle. (I think it's called a review circle?) We each took a piece of work, finished or in progress, and took it in turns to read it aloud. As the person read their work out, everyone else followed on a hard copy of the work, noting bits they liked, bits they thought needed work. The writer then had to sit and receive the feedback without saying anything - just listening, until each person had given their thoughts. This is good - the writer isn't jumping in going 'Oh well I did that because...' It's useful to just listen, take in the feedback, then respond.

We also generated new work by doing some writing exercises, including a few 'creative visualisations' - a process I'm new to, but got a lot out of. The idea is that one person leads the group, asking everyone to close their eyes and relax. They then read out something a little like a guided meditation - it only lasts for a few minutes, but the idea is that you are invited to use your senses as much as possible, to imagine seeing certain things, being in a certain environment. You then have 30 minutes to just write whatever comes into your head - without worrying about how good it is - just write, just see what comes out.

I had a really interesting but fairly emotional experience with the first one - which can happen (actually happened to everyone taking part) - and I had been warned that it could go that way, so I was semi prepared. Because I was free-writing, I wasn't considering the words before I wrote them, but I knew I was writing on a theme - one of loss, of death, of losing someone. I stopped writing, pulled myself back a little. I didn't want to go too far in.

From each free-write I have several lines that work, that jump out and have a rhythm and maybe in the future a life and legs of their own to walk into, or inspire, a new piece of writing.

We ate together every night, and drank wine and chatted into the early hours. And we ventured out of the cottage just once all weekend. Here's what we saw.

So, a successful experience that we will no doubt repeat in the future. It was so nice to be 'cut off' - no internet, no phone, no TV. Though I loved coming back to all that, of course. And I have a lot to be thankful to the internet for - I wouldn't have met those writers if I hadn't started posting my work in an online writing group.

Also, the agent who contacted me last week wouldn't have found me without this blog. Embrace the internet! (Not that much...)

relief, excitement

2010-11-11T14:26:00.006Z

Ah. This is a sound of relief.

EE! This is a sound of excitement.

I'm relieved because after a difficult month things have picked up and taken on a new life, almost out of the blue. 'Out of the blue' - appropriate. I've had a tough month or so, all part of the grieving process I'm told, but I have regained my strength and feel more in control of how I feel now.

And a few things have happened this week that make you look upwards, downwards or outwards (whatever you believe) and say 'Thank you'.

I've been very focused and able to write which is the best feeling ever. Well, one of. I'm going on a writing holiday this weekend, staying in a cottage in the Yorkshire Dales with 6 people I've never met in real life. I feel like I know a few of them though, we've been part of the same online writing group for about 4 years so I'm really looking forward to actually meeting them. We're taking stories for workshopping and after an initial panic at the start of the week where I hated all my WIPs, I have since calmed and reworked a short story I've been stuck on for a while. This feels good.

And a few days ago a really lovely and exciting and unexpected thing happened. An agent who read one of my stories in an anthology emailed me and said that if or when I'm in a position where I'd like agent feedback she'd be pleased to read more of my work.

After going through an excited-suspicious-reassured (through Google) cycle I rested with a positive feeling, not expecting anything, thrilled to have been 'sought out' and to be able to have a dialogue with an agent, and even more boosted up about writing.

Out of the bad comes good.

Dear Friend

2010-11-05T16:53:00.001Z

Only when you have nothing, can you become something.

At least that's what I've come to believe. Just one short year ago I thought I had it all - well paid job, organised wife, sabbatical coming up, Paul Weller concert tickets for the O2 Arena.

November 5^th 2009: The day I lost it all, but gained so much more.

Looking back, I accept fully that it had to happen. I had to sink so I could realize I could swim. It was a wake up call.

But from whom? you ask.

Well, the universe.

Looking back, I can't believe the man I was.

But now I know I just wasn't ready to ride the path to enlightment just yet.

But, how do you know when you're ready?

Well, the truth is, most people will never be lucky enough to learn the things I've learnt, because they'll never truly be ready to receive the gifts of the universe.

I mean, how often does a man (or woman) lose EVERYTHING in the space of an hour?

I did.

I AM NOT SUGGESTING THAT YOU TRY TO LOSE EVERYTHING.

(It is most likely that the universe will be annoyed at you if you do.)

SO, here's the deal:

For just $49, you can download my free e-book RIGHT NOW and read all about my journey to the bottom of the barrel of existence, including:

- how my wife hitched a ride home from the 02 Arena with another man and left me there, moving in with him shortly after

- how I lost my job THAT SAME NIGHT

- how my children seem to have lost all respect for me BUT how I'm planning on getting it back

- all the secrets of existence

ORDER NOW and receive 2 free special supplementary e-books:

- foraging for food in East Anglia
- home haircutting tips

Thank you and best wishes.

Happy Ha'llo'w'een

2010-10-31T18:32:00.008Z

I like Halloween. It's got atmosphere and calls for half lights and warm drinks and spooky films and snacks. Or it does this year, in our flat. A quieter Halloween than previous years for me and Mario - part of the reason I like Halloween is down to Mario - it's his birthday tomorrow and because he loves horror and pumpkins and the whole thing we embrace it as part of his birthday-ness.

Here's the obligatory pumpkin-looks-like-it's-your-head photo of me from this year:

This is Mario doing the same last year

And from Halloweens past

Me, in the centre, with the luverly Patricia and Kathy

The year I was Regan from Exorcist - complete with pea-soup stained nightie and chewing gum stuck on my face for demonic scratch marks....

Mario went as (deep breath) A drag queen who had been killed by another drag queen while getting ready for a show... easier to make sense of in this photo

please note the stiletto-through-the-heart method of death.

Me and this year's pumpkin wish you a Happy Halloween

Confused it for love

2010-10-29T16:08:00.000+01:00

He got her ready to fly, to float up and away from him. When her feet lifted she gasped. He said she’d be okay. He had found the sky for her, lifted her head and showed her the stars. She caught a breeze and billowed a little, afraid at first, then laughed. He cheered; she moved her arms like wings. He imagined the tingle in her insides, thought of her heart filling, expanding, leaving no room for him.

got woken up at 4am

2010-10-22T12:43:00.008+01:00

by these words, spoken by my boyfriend (of nearly 9 years), who was propped up on his elbow and looking right at me:

"Hello, who are you? Hi - who are you? Who are you?"

He might as well have shone a torch into my eyes. But he accepted my answer of 'Teresa!' quite quickly, and, as usual when he sleep talks, he went straight back to sleep and has no recollection of it.

-------------

Today I'm working on some short stories / characters who are being fuelled by how I'm feeling at the moment - which is a bit unsettled, a bit at sea. (Not because of the interrogation, but it is quite fitting...)

this post is a bit business-like

2010-10-15T16:28:00.004+01:00

First - I'd like to recommend a short story, Susan, by Alex Thornber. If you have a few minutes and you'd like to read something hip, but with depth (hard to pull off), click here. It's up at Metazen.

Alex is also the editor of Tomlit, a quarterly lit mag which took a hiatus over the summer. Now it's all open again, and so is the website - take a look here for an interview with Nik Perring, and here for a non-fiction piece by Tania Hershman. At the end of last year and earlier this year I helped out as the fiction advisor, but I'm now the assistant editor (check me, I have 2 new jobs!) and so...

we're looking for an intern of sorts to help out as Tomlit grows. This is a 'virtual' position - something that you'd do in your spare time from your own home, and mostly by email, most likely between yourself and Alex. You need to like reading short fiction and feel confident about giving constructive feedback to writers, even well known ones.

You have to not mind working for free. Tomlit is totally non-profit, and is concerned only with promoting and celebrating new writing and art. Maybe you're a writer yourself - and you'd like to help generate ideas, maybe even write an article or story for the magazine.

If you're interested, send an email to alex.notebook [@] hotmail.co.uk

And - The Tomlit Magazine is having a relaunch and so is open for submissions again. We'd love some of your fiction - go here for the guidelines and send us your best work.

--------------------

Here's this month's (ish) round up of prizes and competition closing soon (with some of my thoughts on some of the prizes in italics...)

Dana Awards
Send: 5 poems, the first 50 pages of your novel, or a short story up to 10,000 words
1st prize: $1000 in each category
Entry fee: $15 per 5 poems, $15 per story, $15 per novel
Closes: 31st October

Huge wordcount for a short story. Postal entries only. Interestingly - simultaneous submissions are okay, as long as your work is unpublished at the time of entry. Dana very rarely publish the prize winning stories, so you would still be able to win a monetary award here and have your story published elsewhere, as long as you let the Dana Awards folks know.

Cinnamon Press Writing Awards
Send: up to 10,000 words of a novel/novella; 10 poems of up to 40 lines; 2-4000 words of a short story
1st prize: £400 for novel/novella & publishing contract, £100 & publication for poetry collection and short story
Entry fee: all categories £16
Closes: 30th November

I think £16 is way too steep for the short story category, especially as you can only enter one. It might sound harsh but £100 first prize isn't good enough, in my opinion, to spend £16 to enter. Cinnamon Press are well established, however, so it would be a good competition to be placed in.

The New Writer Prose and Poetry Prizes
Send: short stories up to 4000 words; novellas up to 20,000; single poems of up to 40 lines; poetry collections of 6-10 poems; essays and articles up to 2000 words.
1st prize: various for each category - 1st placed short story wins £300.
Entry fee: again, it varies, but it's £5 per story
Closes: 30th November

Leaf Books Memoir Competition
Actually - Leaf have quite a few competition deadlines coming up - take a look at their website. Here's the info for this one:
Send: an essay about your own life of up to 1000 words
1st prize: £150
Entry fee: £4 per sub or £10 for 3
Closes: 30th November

£10 for 3 entries is interesting in this competition - would that be 3 different lives you've led, 3 versions of the same life, 3 stages of your life..

Fish Short Story Prize
Send: stories up yp 5000 words
Prizes: 1st prize - 3000 euros; 2nd - a week at Anam Cara Artists' and Writers' Retreat + 300 euros travelling expenses; 3rd - 300 euros. The 10 winning stories published in an anthology.
Entry fee: 20 euros per story
Closes: 30th November

Also a high entry fee - BUT - in my opinion, Fish award amazing 1st and 2nd prizes that make it very appealing to enter.

---------------------------------

There are a lot of competitions closing at the end of November - and as ever this is not an exhaustive list, just the ones that have caught my eye. Writer Dan Purdue has started to compile a list of competitions and prizes over at his blog - go see.

my week

2010-10-13T18:57:00.003+01:00

is really divided.

OK - thing is, I have a new routine because I got a new job. I've been doing the new job with the new routine for almost 2 weeks now. This is the 2nd week of the new Divided Week(s).

Previously I'd have a few days off scattered around, and the nature of my bar job would mean I'd sometimes do a day shift and sometimes a night and sometimes an all-day-and-night shift. Each week would vary. Not erratically, but I'd work some days, have a day off, work some more days, have a day off. Etc.

But now - I work for a University as a notetaker (I go to lectures with students who, for whatever reason, can't take their own notes) and all of my sessions are on a Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. I still do my other job, the bar job, Monday daytime and Saturday morning.

I'm free all day Thursday, Friday, most of Saturday and all day Sunday.

So really - all I'm saying is, I'm not actually working any less hours than I was a few weeks ago, but it's split up in this way that should be good - because I can dedicate Thursday, Friday, Sunday to writing. But for whatever reason, the split freaked me out last week and I didn't write a thing.

This is one of those posts that as I write it, I just think - who gives a sh*t? How indulgent is this, telling everyone what my days off are. There are men being hauled up from the ground right now. BBC News 24 is addictive today. Repetitive as always, but I can't help but watch each man come up - thinking about what he might be thinking, seeing the reunions with mothers/wives/children - knowing that somewhere in the world, a script has already been written. Probably been cast too.

It's an amazing story.

don't

2010-10-10T14:30:00.005+01:00

watch tv programmes about the Booker Prize shortlisted novels and then open your latest WIP. All you will hear is Germaine Greer's voice reading your words and saying 'What a load of shit'.

do
watch this 20 second video.

Bridport 2010 and the Rejection Section

2010-10-02T18:26:00.009+01:00

First up I just want to say for all those writers who are finding be by Googling things like 'Have Bridport announced the winners yet?' and such:

Bridport haven't announced anything but they have contacted at least the shortlisted poets, maybe the short story writers too. I only know this because Jonathan Pinnock has blogged about it.

I know how the need to know can get you - you Google Google Google it, refresh your emails, all that jazz - I do it myself, and it's often frustrating when you just want to know - have the winners been notified so I can move on with that particular piece of work. And maybe feel a little sad at not making it.

I'm in a bit of a Rejection Section (nice) at the moment - check out this list from the back of my notebook where I keep track of where my stories are. This is from May til now:

I haven't had a hit since... 100 Stories for Haiti in January. Wowsers. Okay. It's no biggie. It will be a fine day when the trend is broken (see, optimistic).

I've been working on The Book too, in bits and bobs. I'm a bit of a faddy writer. That makes it sound bad and I don't think it is. I just have different moods, different projects, and it's good - for me anyway - to go to each thing when I want to. I have several short stories at various stages of development right now, and The Book is always lurking. It means it can be more difficult to complete something in a short space of time, but that a story has space to grow (stale?) .

Along with this tendency to leap around I also believe that You Have To Show up and put yourself in front of your notebook, desk, PC, whatever, and Meet The Boat. (On reading over this post I realise these capitilzings look like titles of self-help books...)

So here's the thing I really want to tell you about. A few days ago I sat in my favourite coffee shop for writing. I was actually writing about writing. I'd taken a look at my Rejection Section and I sat thinking about how small my output can be at times, beating myself up a little really - giving myself the 'How do you expect to get a book published if you don't write it?' talk. Fair point.

Then I balanced it out by acknowledging that I do Show Up - I go to the coffee shop with my notebook and pen and no newspaper (mostly) and I sit and think about writing and sometimes I actually write things. Not always, but I go and put myself in that position and mindset and I believe it's useful in my busy working (not writing work) week to give myself that time.

I've mentionned before that I have a 'deal' with my friend Miles that we email each other a chapter of our WIPs at the end of each month. Well, with only 2 days to the end of September I had NOTHING to send to Miles. (Miles, who is actually a film maker primarily, is a bloody annoyingly productive writer who emailed me his chapter around the 20th September. )

There are various reasons why this month my book has taken a backseat but the over riding one is because I have been trying to write this book for ages, and after a certain point I hit a wall because the structure becomes a problem.

I really wanted to send Miles something, 'Even if it's only electronic pissvomit'.

So, back at home after the coffee shop I sat at my desk and forced myself to write up a list of reasons why the various structures and incarnations The Book has taken have worked or not worked.

I should mention, I have done this before - loads of times. BUT. SOMETHING HAPPENED.

It's as close to a 'Eureka' moment as I have ever had: I realised how to structure the book. I shouted some words out like, 'Yes! That's it!'. I felt like I had loads of energy in my belly that I couldn't get out.

I drew this

And really, it feels like it was always there - this idea, this way to do it, just below the surface. An enamel surface; a thin ice surface too.

This is a long post. I try not to do long posts. Really, it's just about how this week I have really felt the ups and downs of writing, but I kept doing the the constant stuff, like going to the coffee shop, like putting myself at the desk.

you know it's time to step away from the laptop when

2010-09-24T14:59:00.005+01:00

it's your first day off in a while, and although you really want to write, you're actually just watching wedding dances on youtube.

It's not like you even want to get married or anything. You just followed a link to a fairly good one (here) and from there you couldn't stop clicking all the other links like 'BEST FIRST DANCE EVER!' which, in comparison to the fairly good one, are really crap.

Suddenly you come to your senses, but you're not sure how long you were 'out'. You feel a bit sick.

You ask, Where has the day gone?

You curse the internet. And yourself.

You blog about it. You still feel a bit woozy.

You have a kiwi fruit to try to undo the badness.

how long does it take

2010-09-17T16:13:00.002+01:00

Despite being really busy and only having one day off this week (today) I've managed to be pretty productive with writing. Have you heard that saying, something like, 'If you have something to do, ask a busy person to do it'? It's most likely snappier than that, but you get the idea.

Things get even busier next week when I start my new job - I'm doing some Education Support work at university. I'm a 'Study Buddy' to start with and will probably do some note taking, library support etc soon as well. I'm pretty excited because one of the students I'm working with is studying Creative Writing - hm, might have to hold back when I accompany them to lectures... don't get involved, Teresa, it's not about you...

So today I've been working on my story for the Asham Award competition. Not the story I was working on last week, oh no, a new one. I have about 2 weeks to have it ready, but I'm being relaxed about it. If it's not ready or isn't happnin then that's okay. I don't have to enter, I just really really want to.

Incidentally, how long do you take to write a short story? A friend told me that Alice Munro takes 6-8 months. I think that's fantastic. I'm heartened by that. When I started writing a few years ago I'd fire them out, and probably needed to seeing as many of them were crap. Less are crap now. Because I don't write as many.

Or it takes me longer. Ideas come and are batted about in my head, my notebook, my head etc, then I might leave them for ages, months and months. Sometimes they become a story, or get worked into a story.

It's hard to really know how long it takes, or how many I write a year. I remember reading, again, in the (my) early days, that Neil Gaiman writes 1-2 stories per year. Back then I was astonished at his pitiful output. Now I think, yeah, similar to me, if I count complete stories that I feel are finished.

What about you?

closing and opening

2010-09-11T15:47:00.003+01:00

A couple of established and interesting places to send your work to:

Biscuit Flash Fiction Competition
Stories between 250-750 words
£1000 1st prize, and an anthology of the best 10 stories
£9 to enter
Closes 14th September

These 2 are just for female writers (sorry boyz)

Mslexia New Writing
Stories and poems on the theme 'Departures'
Free to enter
Prize: Publication in the magazine
Deadline 17th September

Asham Award 2010
Stories under 4000 words on the theme 'Ghost or Gothic'
Entry fee £15
First prize £1000, 12 selected stories published in an anthology alongside especially commissioned writers
Closes 30th September (postal entries only)

For me, The Asham Award has been on my list of Places I'd Love To Be Published for quite a few years now. The competition only comes around every 2 years, and the anthologies published by Bloomsbury are gorgeous.

But I can't lie and say I'm not put off by the theme (it's the first time there's been a theme, it's usually open) but this week I have worked myself into and around it, wading past all the Very Bad Ideas I got when I first brainstormed 'Ghost or Gothic'.

I think it's fair to say that a themed comp has the potential to attract a lot of entries with similar plots, so the further past your first 50 or so ideas you get you have more of a chance of presenting something original to the judges. I wonder if the Asham theme will put off some short story writers who are a bit snobbish (I was) about writing to a theme they don't usually dabble in?

But I really wanted to enter. Like I said, it's one of my Writing Ambitions. And I want to see if I can create something I believe in from such a challenging starting point.

So, after some delving and note taking I have found a story, which I didn't expect to. It's maybe more suspenseful than ghostly. It's certainly not Gothic-y. But it's proving interesting to put together, and feels refreshing enough. I'm excited to be writing something brand new.

Other news:
Tomlit is back - check out the new look, and an a non-fiction piece by Tania Hershman.

He draws me in for a hug

2010-09-08T18:16:00.004+01:00

Me: Watch my hair, I don't want to have to do it again today.

He: It's done?

Why I oughtta!

2010-09-01T15:58:00.006+01:00

This week-

A Big Spider ran at me. Well, not at me, towards me. In my general direction. I was on the sofa, IT was scampering across the floor. I screamed, Mario 'got' it without killing it and sent it outside. It's maybe the 4th Big Spider we've ever seen in our flat in the 5 years we've lived here but I will be constantly looking over my shoulder now for perhaps the next 3 days until the trauma has worn off.

I didn't enter any of the writing competitions I'd earmarked because I didn't have any stories that were good enough. There are some interesting competitions closing soon which I will enter and share the details about them with you here (what a charming and well written sentence).

I'm working on The Book Thing and will have the first chapter ready to send to writer friend Miles by Friday (with whom I have struck a 'Let's get off our asses and write our books' incentive deal thing.)

I'm wowed that it's September and feel a mix of relief: Busy Summer Holidays are over (working in customer service gets you like that), excitement: September is an exiting month, in a New Start Back To School kind of way (I'm not at school, but I have a new job based at the University and I do get excited around academic institutions) and sadness: the start of another new season without Mum, and the slow dread of Christmas, a tough time for me anyway, tougher still without her here. But right now, the sun is out.

experiment

2010-08-26T16:16:00.002+01:00

to see if I can upload video from my camera

when your phone number is similar to the local vet's

2010-08-24T15:47:00.002+01:00

"Hello love, sorry to bother you, it's Joyce Marvin here, that's M-A-R-V-I-N, and I just wondered how the little hedgehog we brought in on Friday afternoon is doing, is he alright?"

overheard

2010-08-20T17:46:00.003+01:00

"And it was the 2 things she couldn't bear: wounds and phlegmy chests, wasn't it?"

"Yeah. And I was always all right with the gangrenous feet."

If you and your manuscript were fictional characters, which ones would you be and why?

2010-08-19T16:27:00.002+01:00

Wowsers - nearly 2 weeks since my last post. Just a brief one to say hello, to assure you I'm still here.

The 500 words on each day off thing isn't really happening as easily as I'd like, but words are being written, just not so many for The Book as I thought. I fall in and out of love with this project very easily, and the 500-words were meant to encourage me to consistently work on it, along with my usual stash of short stories.

But a new incentive presented itself when my filmmaker friend Miles told me he's working on a novel and he'd like me to read the first chapter - Sure, I said, and hey - I'll send you the first section of my book too, and - let's have a deadline - howzabout 31st August? Sorted.

So in 10 days or so I'll send him the rough and very first-drafty draft of the beginning of The Book. I might even tell you what the fook The Book is (not a novel, not exactly non fiction, seriously not a memoir) instead of all the smoke and mirrors. It's the way I said I fall in and out of love with it - writing about it here is like commitment. I'm like Nick in Coronation Street (I realise that might be relevant to less than 1% of anyone reading) afraid of committing to Natasha. I'm such a user.

Ahem.

If you and your manuscript were fictional characters, which ones would you be and why?

Ha, so, anyway, but. Sigh.

2010-08-06T18:02:00.005+01:00

HA, well. Yesterday was s'posed to be the first day of writing 500 words of The Book. I did everything else on my list of things to do, apart from write the 500 words.

SO, not the best start. But I did go to the hairdresser's, and having my hair cut is always a traumatic experience. Not that I'm precious about my hair, I just hate being in the hairdresser's. There is something about being sat in front of myself that makes me act like an idiot. It's intimidating, and weird, and I try to over compensate for this by talking too much and acting like I don't find it intimidating or weird. One of my earliest published stories (2006, called The Closest Thing, in this anthology) was set in the chair at the hairdresser's.

ANYWAY. After the hair thing (good cut, by the way) I did all kinds of essential stuff like wash the sofa throw, make a rice salad, finish reading a book... Good book, actually, so not my fault. One Day by David Nicholls - great, absorbing, funny... nice premise too: each chapter is set on July 15th over 20 years - 1988 to 2008, following the almost-relationship and friendship of the two lead characters, Emma and Dexter. I'm certain it'll be made into a film and ruined some time in the next couple of years. *See comments*

BUT. Today. Today was better. Today I did it. 557 words of The Book exist that did not exist 2 hours ago. It still took me a while to get there. First I had to go for coffee, do some food shopping, do laundry, read blogs, check emails, check the websites of prizes I've entered, check emails, read blogs, check emails. But I did it with that Grayson Perry quote 'Creativity is failure' firmly in my mind.

SIGH. Pat on back. Sip of wine.

***

And now - a couple of useful or interesting things for your writer's eyes:

Competitions Closing Soon

Wells Festival of Literature
Stories between 1800-2000 words
£500 first prize
£4 entry
Closes August 31st
(Festival takes place in early October, which means there's probably a quick turnaround for the results with this one.)

Aesthetica Annual Creative Works Competition
Send 1 or 2 stories of up to 2000 words each
£500 first prize
£10 entry
Closes August 31st
(I think 2 stories for the £10 entry fee is pretty good)

Ilkley Literature Festival
Stories of up to 3000 words
£200 first prize
£4 entry
Closes September 1st
(Like the Wells Competition, the festival takes place in October so there's probably a quick turnaround for results again.)

And 2 blog posts I've enjoyed this week

Editorial Ass on the different types of publishing we can choose to pursue - a really direct, useful and balanced post from someone who works in the industry.

Creepy Queery Girl's inspired metaphorical post entitled 'I feel like a sperm'. Read why here.

Best intentions

2010-08-04T11:26:00.003+01:00

Hm. I haven't blogged much this past month, and the few posts I've written have been about other things: pointing you to more useful blogs, or to competitions, or to photos of Kestrels wearing plaster casts. I've been out-sourcing a bit. 'Skirting around' a bit. And that pretty much mirrors where I've been with actual writing too.

I've had a few rejections, been unsuccessful in some competitions I'd thought too much about being successful in. That happens anyway, but coupled with not-writing much, I've been feeling a bit jaded, a bit lacking in direction.

And, we all know that when that feeling is identified, a list of THINGS TO DO must be made. Direction must be found, goals and targets written in list form. A great sense of excitement and promise occurs in this stage of the writing process: anything is possible. I have the tools, I often have the time, I just need the kick up the ass every now and again.

I've learned in the past few years that there are times when I need to not write, or not write much, and that can go on for a few weeks, but when the angst rears its head, it's time to make a list. Preferably with a new way of measuring progress. This time it's word count. I've never really done that before, even though it's the obvious one.

So, on my days off I will write 500 words of The Book I Want To Write. (It's not a novel, and it's not non-fiction either. I'll just call it The Book from now on. When I get into my stride a little, I will tell you more about it.)

I might get one of those gadgets for marking my word-count progress on the side of the blog.

500 words isn't much really, is it? I bet you're reading this and thinking - 'Pah! I write 1000 before dawn!' or something equally intimidating. I did read that Kate Mosse gets up at 4am everyday to write. 4am! Reading that kind of thing can be seriously damaging to the insecure-about-my-writing-routine-writer. I'm not like that now, I think I used to be. I might still be a bit. But not much.

Along with the 500 words on days off (I have 3 days off a week) I'll also be working on short stories, and keeping an eye out for the prizes and competitions I really want to send my stories to.

And when I enter something I'll send the story away and let it go - and keep writing, keep writing.

possible freedom

2010-07-27T20:06:00.002+01:00

How do you follow such a political hard-hitting blog post as my last one? Ce n'est pas possible.

Instead of even attempting to write a post of my own tonight, I'd like instead to direct you to Jessica Patient's recent post on creativity and imagination - based on notes Jessica took as she listened to the artist Grayson Perry interviewed on Radio 4. It's very useful, and will maybe strike a chord or two in you - take a look.

I love the fact that Perry has a concrete beam in his studio, engraved with 'Creativity is mistakes'. The freedom you can give yourself by believing that must be awesome. I want to get there.

Closing soon, twitch

2010-07-15T15:53:00.004+01:00

Here's the round up I promised of places you could send stories to this month.

Closing soon:

Wasafiri New Writing Prize
Up to 3000 words
£300 first prize
£5 entry
Closes 30th July

Hay-on-Wye Short Story Contest
up to 2000 words
£400 first prize
£6 entry
Closes 31st July

Narrative Magazine Short Story Contest
Up to 15000 words (that's right, big word count)
$3250 first prize (that's right, big first prize - generous 2nd and 3rd prizes too)
Entry $20
Closes 31st July
(I'm quite intrigued by this one - the prize fund is huge, the magazine looks good, and the results are announced September 1st - a tres short turnaround.)

HISSAC Open Short Story Competition
Up to 2500 words
£400 first prize
£5 entry
Closes 31st July
(I like this, from the website: "All stories on any theme are welcome, the more interesting and unusual the better")

Sean O' Faolain Story Competition
Up to 3000 words
First prize 1500 euros
15 euros entry fee
Closes 31st July
(This one is being solely judged by Tania Hershman, and she has, very generously, posted a blog about what she looks for when reading short stories, and another on judging competitions.)

I'd like to enter all these competitions but realistically might just manage one or two. Good luck if you go for any of them.

Other news - I woke up at 4am this morning with a twitch on the left side (my left) of my upper lip. You know one of those involuntary twitches that you usually get in your eye? My lip's doing that. It still is, sporadically, 12 hours later. It's quite subtle but if you look closely I look like I'm trying to snarl. That's all.

off topic

2010-07-11T16:03:00.003+01:00

It's a little off topic, but I do enjoy this photo
Kevin the kestrel

U-turn, and oh dear

2010-07-08T19:35:00.006+01:00

Yep, did a total U-turn with the Quotes from my teenage diary blog. I've taken it down for a mixture of reasons, none too dramatic.

I got cold feet basically, thought about what I wanted from it, suddenly felt unsure. It's not that the content was too personal, not really, but it's an odd thing to look back and share in such a way. Especially because certain things in my life now are so different to my life back then. It may get resurrected, I just thought whilever (not a word, but I like it) I'm having second thoughts I'd take it down.

Having a nice couple of days, reading and relaxing. Some writing, but I'm definitely going through a thinking/gestating period after the very business like end to June with all the editing and subbing. I can feel myself gearing up again, certain project ideas forming, taking shape.

I just sang to a bottle of wine. I reached into the fridge and sang as I took a bottle of wine out, my first drink in a while (well, 3 days) which I was looking forward to, using as a reward - 'Finish this, this, this and this - then have a glass of wine...' and when our eyes met I heard myself sing out loud:
Hello, is it me you're looking for? oh dear. oh dear. oh dear.

bit rejected, bit exposed, pretty proud

2010-07-06T19:23:00.006+01:00

The Ash gig was ace. Energetic and awesome. Better cos I found a bench to stand on - otherwise I would have seen nowt. Seeing what's going on on stage is often a problem for me, being just 5 feet tall. Depends on the venue. I think, if I ever own a venue, I'll ensure the audience arrange themselves in height order. Like a school assembly.

After checking the Frome Festival website periodically to see if they've contacted/announced the winners of their short story competition I've learnt today that they have actually contacted the winners. So that's one less website to obsessively look at. No I need to find a new place to send that rejected story. I'll do a post soon with a round up of interesting places that are accepting fiction.

Really pleased that my pals who made the new Brit flick Crimefighters are doing well - the film premiered at Edinburgh last week and has had reviews and mentions in such places like Time Out and Empire Magazine online. Miles Watts, the director, wrote a guest post for me a little while ago. He also makes the ace cult (oh, and popular) web series Zomblogalypse with Crimefighters editor Tony Hipwell. We all worked at the same place until Miles left about a month ago. It's just very heartening to see your creative friends getting there. I'm tres proud.

Exposed: I've just put up the 2nd post on my new blog venture, Quotes from my teenage diary. Take a look, say hello maybe...

* addition: my 'Quotes from' blog is having a temporary rest - I'm not 100% sure if and how I want to share my diary stuff, I guess that word 'exposed' is accurate... I need a little think on this one.

nostalgia and a new thing

2010-07-04T19:27:00.004+01:00

I'm getting ready to go and see Ash tonight. Ash were my *favourites* when I was a teenager. I loved Tim Wheeler. I loved their music. I went to see them when I was 15, and it was a Big Deal, that whole gig. I ended up "meeting" one or 2 members, and that just fuelled my adoration for another 3 years or so.

I kinda dropped off following them so much when I got into my 20s, but their music means a lot. The music of your teenage years does, right? When I heard they were playing right here where I live now, I had to get tickets.

So tonight I can't help but think back to me at 15, back in 1996, getting myself ready to go see Ash. I actually feng-shui-ed my room before I went, using an article in Just 17 as my direction. After the gig, after "meeting" the band, I wrote to Just 17 and told them about my pre-gig Feng Shui, certain it was down to the red ribbon I tied on my door that brought me the good fortune. Just 17 published that letter : my first piece of published writing.

See, see how nostalgic going to see them is for me? See how I'm inevitably making comparisons between 15 year old Teresa and 29 year old year old Teresa?

I just reached for my box of diaries and found the entry from 19th May 1996. The gig was "best gig ever!" and "I moshed!" and "It was ideal!"

And I've just read over other dates around 19th May 1996 and found myself, as I usally do, in a mix of laughter and embarassment and sadness and elation at the stuff I wrote in my diaries.

I've toyed with this idea for a while but actually have started it tonight. It seems fitting. I now have another blog, Quotes from my teenage diary, which I'll use as a place to house stuff from my teenage diaries. It's all quite new, it's all a bit hazy, but it's begun, and if you'd like to pop over and follow, I'd love to see you there.

Now, here's the song that made me fall:

darn it! Bug it

2010-07-01T11:58:00.002+01:00

In all my ultra-organised writing and sending work out phase, I forgot to blog about Bugged - a tres interesting writing project devised by Jo Bell and David Calcutt.

If you want to take part: today you need to tune yourself into the world around you, listen and take note (discreetly) of a conversation or the snatches of a conversation you overhear.

Then write something inspired by that little nuggety gem, and send it to the Bugged project by August 15th.

So plenty of time to create something, but just today to find your inspiration.

Though, if you send it before August 15th the best work will be published on the Bugged blog.

The very best pieces of writing will be published in an anthology. Aces.

Check out the website for the full details.

Don't get punched. Be discreet. Try not to react if you hear something juicy. Just snigger inwardly and jot it all down. Change names. Don't get anyone in trouble. Unless you think they should be in trouble. I'll stop now.

Good luck!

oh blogger

2010-06-29T15:54:00.002+01:00

why you so slow? Anyone else having Blogger Bother?

Anyway -

more and more people are finding me by Googling Bridport related stuff so I just want to send a massive wave of positivity to everyone sat at their computers desperately finishing a story ready to submit by midnight tomorrow (Weds), everyone who's reading over the story they thought last week was HOT and now it just reads cold cold cold... to everyone who wants and needs a break - just go for it, send your best story, and let it go and do its thing.

Nicola Morgan wrote a great post on luck today - and the word that really stands out in there for being ultra useful is persevere - I entered Bridport 3 times before I won a prize, and I've been rejected/not made it in loads of prizes before and since. You just have to do it, keep doing it, keep learning, keep writing.

What is it with me and 1400 words?

2010-06-28T17:50:00.004+01:00

I just got back from a weekend in London where I stayed with my best friend, Claire. The main purpose of the trip was just to spend time with Claire really - we've been friends for about 11 years after meeting in our first year at Uni. We shared a house and a sense of humour, and that's kept us together ever since.

She moved down to London last year so it was really cool to see the life she's carved out for herself there, and catch up over pasta and gin and wine. We spent Saturday at Hampstead Heath, took a swim in the Ladies lake - a totally new experience for me, and once I got over the fact that my feet didn't touch the bottom I quite enjoyed it.

And, I got to meet Claire's new boyfriend, Luigi. Now - here's something brilliant - my boyfriend of over 8 years is called Mario. When I spoke to Claire a couple of months ago and she said she had a date with a guy called Luigi, neither of us 'clicked' for a while, but when we did, it was awesome.

So, I'm feeling totally blissed out after my weekend actually. I think I really needed the break, and the friend-time. I deliberately didn't take any writing to work on while I was there, but continued on with stuff I'm working on today. I really wanted to send something to VS Pritchett Memorial Prize, but the story I thought I'd send isn't ready enough, and won't be by tomorrow (closes Wednesday, but postal entries only).

What I've found unusual about the rules of this comp is that stories must be at least 2000 words, and maybe that's been part of the problem for me. A lot of my stories end around 1400. I don't want to pad something out that works fine at 1400, and, as I mentioned, the new piece is just too much of a first draft right now. I have a good amount of stories out being judged (check out the list in the sidebar) so I'm okay letting this one go.

I've just done something I didn't think I was going to do until a few days ago. I've sent something to this year's Bridport Prize, but to the Flash Fiction Prize rather than the Short Story. I remember at the prize giving last year quite a few of the readers I met asked if I'd enter the 2010 comp and I said I didn't think so, but I accidentally wrote a brand new flash that I liked so I thought 'Why not'. You still have 2 days until all the Bridport deadlines, good luck to anyone entering.

And Bridport related news is that part of the perk of being a prize winner from last year means that my story In a Seaside Cafe has been entered into the BBC National Short Story Award on my behalf, by the publishers of the anthology. That's really cool, and exciting.

I think that's all.

Out of interest, do any of you have a word count that most of your stories hover around, or is it just me?

less a to-do list

2010-06-21T18:34:00.002+01:00

The writing streak continues. Breath is held. Only it's not really - I'm just appreciative and happy that I'm 'on it' as the Americans say. I think that's an American thing to say?

I reckon there are some contributing factors to me getting more done, and maybe one of them will help another writer/creative (if I only help one other writer...) so I'll share.

Reasons I think I'm writing more:

- I got rid of Facebook. So, generalising this advice I'll say eliminate unnecessary distractions.

- I made a list of competitions, with cash prizes, that are closing soon. I shared them here. I would really like a holiday this year, and if I can fund it with writing that would be brillo. I know it's not all about the money, otherwise we wouldn't do it, but the incentive helps. I decided to enter all four of the competitions I found, and already I've entered two - a week before the closing dates! So - have an incentive.

- I'm busy the weekend before the closing dates. I know I just said I'd like a holiday, so it will sound like a contradiction when I say I'm going to London this weekend, but as it's just 2 days to visit my friend and won't involve much relaxing it doesn't count. But the point is that time is limited before the comp closing dates - so there's a little pressure, and I work well under pressure. So - apply pressure.

- I learnt a new thing. Well, someone told me about a thing that they do and I've started it too. This links to the title of this blog post and is most appropriate if you like making lists, which I really do. Ok - rather than making a 'to-do' list, make a 'prediction list'. Predict what you think you'll get done that day/week/writing session - whatever works best for you. Tick things off as you go, as you would anyway. If, at the end of the time you've given yourself - day/week/writing session - you have stuff left on the list - you should think about your predictions, your expectations of yourself, rather than the negative of Not Doing Everything On The List. Maybe you were unrealistic in your goal-setting. It makes you consider the time you have, and prioritise what you need to do. I'm not sure if this would work for everyone. It would be helpful to people who put unrealistic expectations on their time. I don't do that, I just like a new way of listing. So - get a new gimmick. Or, a new way of writing and ticking off your achievements.

Think that's it.

Oh - it's my blog's birthday today! Happy birthday blog. You are one. You are like a little baby owl, unafraid, by the side of a majestic lioness.

Best photo ever? I think so.

just had

2010-06-19T21:14:00.002+01:00

a really good writing session. Same happened yesterday too. In a few snatched hours I've reworked and redrafted 3 'already written almost forgotten about' stories and added some words onto a WIP I'm pretty excited about.

This hardly ever happens to me. This level of productivity feels about right. I never feel 'about right' (with writing). I even sang a weird medley of celebration songs just now.

The medley included the theme tune to this ace TV show I used to watch with my Nana and Grandad when I stayed at their house on Friday nights when I was about 8. I recommend everyone finishes off a good writing session by singing this song.

this is new

2010-06-13T11:33:00.003+01:00

I clicked on 'design' on the Blogger dashboard and started changin' stuff. You can't go back. This panicked me at first; I missed my old design. But I'm embracing the change now.

Just wanted to share some interesting writing competitions that I've spotted, and hope to enter myself:

Sentinel Literary Quarterly Short Story Competition
1500 words maximum
£150 first prize
£5 to enter
Deadline 25th June

Royal Society of Literature V.S Pritchett Memorial Prize
2000 - 5000 words
£1000 first prize
£5 to enter
Deadline 30th June

Spilling Ink Review Microfiction Competition
300 words maximum
£100 first prize
£5 to enter
Deadline 30th June

Writers' Bureau Short Story Competition
2000 words maximum
£1000 first prize
£5 to enter
Deadline 30th June

Good luck if you enter any of these. I'm working on something new for at least one of them, and might polish up some drafts for the other 3. I want to get more work 'out there', it makes me feel good and productive, even if it ends in rejection.

I had a rejection last week from an online magazine, felt quite put out by it for a moment or two, then let it go. It was for a very short flash piece that I've had trouble placing for a while. I'm thinking now that it might not work so well as a stand-alone piece, but there are a couple of images in it I like. I should think about adding it to something else perhaps.

Or not think about adding it, that might be too self-conscious. I think I'm always balancing on that line - trying, but not trying too hard. Being disciplined, but relaxed.

What line do you find yourself balancing on, in terms of writing/creating?

well being; all being well will lead to more writing

2010-06-11T17:40:00.008+01:00

Here's what's been happening with me lately, told in list form and in annoying third person wherein I refer to myself as 'Writer'

- Writing output has decreased, writer notices, tries to improve output by drawing blocks of time devoted to writing (see here)

- Blocks of time don't work in the way writer wants them to. Instead, writer is overly aware how little she is doing.

- Writer doesn't give up. She keeps putting time aside to write, but words aren't coming.

- She is tired. She isn't sleeping too well.

- She has a particularly bad day at work and spontaneously applies for a new job, 2 weeks later she gets an interview, and is offered the job. This lifts her spirits. Around this time, writer enters 2 short story competitions, with 2 old stories.

- Another act of spontaneity: writer buys a second hand bike from a friend. She hasn't been on a bike for years. Maybe 9 or 10 years. She is scared at first and cries, "The seat is too high!" but then she has another go and she's okay, she rides shakily down the street (on the pavement, of course)

- Writer still isn't writing. She's not even reading much. When people ask, 'How's the writing going?' she tells the truth. But she finds herself saying things like, "This happens from time to time, I'm probably just needing some time to do other things."

- Other things, when not working, are prominently making odd coloured fruit juices and bike riding. Some cooking and being with people she loves.

- Writer remembers how much she got out of yoga for about 3 months a few years ago. She's never really forgot how much she got out of it, she just lost the enthusiasm/confidence to do it.

- Writer finds a yoga class and goes to it. Writer 'deactivates' her Facebook account, because it steals her time. She goes to the library and takes out a yoga book.

- Writer goes to her favourite coffee shop and doesn't write. Oh, but she does write a list of what she wants to do that day.

- The word 'create' is one of the words on the list. The writer comes home from the coffee shop and opens a file on her computer of an unfinished story. She types! New words! She types!

- Later that day, she blogs in list form, and annoying third person.

How you write - Part 9 - Miles Watts

2010-06-01T13:00:00.007+01:00

This 'Tell me how you write' is a little different to the previous guest posts. First off, Miles Watts is a filmmaker, and we haven't had one of them before. Secondly, Miles and I are friends in real real life, we worked together until very recently - Miles left our 'day job' for a very cool reason - his latest film Crimefighters has been accepted into The Edinburgh International Film Festival. I'm ultra proud of him. And I heartily recommend you check out his web series Zomblogalypse, which has a huge online following.

Writing is probably my favourite part of making films. It’s the part where anything is possible and there are no limits but your imagination. One of my childhood heroes, George Lucas, says he absolutely hates writing scripts, whereas Alfred Hitchcock said it was the best part of the process and that making the film was the tedious part because it was already all in his head.

I’m kind of halfway between those two opinions in terms of love for the process; I enjoy the script stage but I also enjoy the practicalities of turning the script into something real. A screenplay is just a blueprint after all, not a finished piece of work like a novel.

It’s a scary and exciting moment, sitting down to write a screenplay because all the flimsy ideas you’ve had now have to get put down in actual words, but before that moment I’ve usually sketched out the idea on copious amounts of paper. Ideas for films have always come to me while doing something else like cycling, being at work or in the pub, so very often the film has been scribbled out on the back of a receipt or napkin by the time I sit down to write.

I’m a big fan of visual aids and I always have a chart or diagram of some kind that lays out the film. That way you can tackle one scene at a time while having an idea of the way everything fits together. Index cards are useful for scribbling individual scenes on, a trick I learned from Syd Field’s book Screenplay. I’ll transfer these to my computer so when I start I can see a list of all the scenes in the film, then fill in the scenes as I go, but most of the time things are scribbled in a notebook or scrap of paper that I can pin up and refer to.

On the rare occasions I write on paper it ends up being a complete illegible mess, so I always write at my computer unless I’m not in front of it so I can make quick changes. I bash out the dialogue really quickly, my fingers moving almost as fast as an actual conversation. That way I can be sure I’m letting my characters talk to me rather than putting words in their mouths, and that’s the most satisfying part of the whole process. I go into a kind of frantic meditative state where I’m just a receptor for these lines coming out of the ether. I literally write the first thing that comes into my head so that the characters are talking to each other. It’s not until later that I’ll tweak and make changes so that the dialogue comes from the characters and doesn’t just serve the plot.

One thing I learned that is very helpful is to take the draft of a script and turn to any page at random. If I can’t find several points or lines of dialogue relevant to character or plot, they get changed. I do this until I can turn to any page of the script and be confident that every page advances the plot and stays true to character. Sometimes I’ll see a line of dialogue and think, ‘He/she wouldn’t say that’ so I give it someone else.

The point of the first draft for me is always to finish the screenplay and get closure before I move onto further drafts. A screenplay is never finished after one draft, rarely after three or four unless you’re some kind of genius. Even then, a screenplay is never set in stone all the way through filming, and should be constantly tweaked and changed all the way to the final edit. The only exceptions I can think of offhand are the Coen Brothers and David Mamet, where you clearly wouldn’t want to change a single word.

Just because you had some good ideas during the writing process doesn’t mean all of them will work for the film; sometimes actors will suggest line changes and the shot will dictate what you can/can’t film. A director has to remain flexible and confident of the overall vision that he/she is comfortable to make changes all the way until the end, so the whole process is an incredibly liberating and exciting creative challenge.

Infected with the film bug at the age of 8 after seeing E.T. in 1982, Miles’ first film was an 8mm, 5 minute epic in which his Indiana Jones went to find some ‘sacred treasure’. Moving to York to study a degree in English Literature in 1995, Miles began writing scripts with a mind to making one of them into a film one day.

Miles honed his writing and editing until in 2006 he wrote, produced, directed and edited his first feature film, The BandWagons, made with no budget, which sold out the local cinema when it premiered. In 2008 Miles wrote his second feature CrimeFighters which he directed in 2009, and began the cult zombie web series Zomblogalypse . CrimeFighters has just been accepted into this year's Edinburgh International Film Festival and picked up for cinema release by the Picturehouses chain, while Zomblogalypse continues to gain fans around the world, with plans for a feature.

if you have a spare 6 minutes

2010-05-31T18:48:00.003+01:00

you should listen to this story by Aimee Bender. It's great, and she reads it so well with her cool American accent.

The Meeting.

Thanks to Nik Perring for this. I've read about Aimee Bender on Nik's blog before, because her stories proved to be a bit of a light bulb moment for him. Now I see why.

Have a listen, what do you think?

Brief bits and Bridport advice

2010-05-27T12:57:00.005+01:00

I'm almost half way through an 8-day stint of shifts without a day off. There's nothing like having your writing time restricted to make you want to write... well that's how I feel on my way to work, but on my way home I'm knackered after being on feet and serving people all day/night. If it's a night shift I come home around 12, have a crisp sandwich and watch trashy TV. Then I go to bed and read a page or 2 of something before I drift off until the buzzing in the wall cavity next to my bed wakes me up around 6am and I think, 'oh yeah, that might be a wasp making a nest, I really should call my landlord.'

I can find time to write though, I'm not blaming my not-being-too-productive-right-now on work, it's just a more hectic time than usual.

I finally ordered these 2 books from Salt that I've had my eye on for a while

Words from a Glass Bubble by Vanessa Gebbie and Balancing on the Edge of the World by Elizabeth Baines

When I started reading writer's blogs last year ago these were two of the writers whose books I wanted to read. I also had the good fortune of meeting Vanessa at last year's Bridport prize-giving.

Bridport-speaking, it's almost time for the 2010 deadline on June 30th. I've been getting a few blog visitors who have found me by Googling 'read Bridport Prize winning stories online' and the like. My story is only available in the anthology, which you can order from the website, and I think I'd need permission to reproduce it here.

Although there are some brilliant stories in the collection, I'm not saying you'd have a better chance of winning if you bought it. To give yourself the best chance send your best story. Send the story that speaks to you, the one you loved to write. The one that has all the words spelt correctly. The one you feel close to, happy with, interested in.

Your story will be read by a volunteer first, someone who loves reading and loves stories. They are longing to be captured by your characters. Some of them are reading hundreds of stories each.

Between them, through several stages of readers, they are narrowing down and finding the 80 or so stories that stood out in the thousands (over 6000 last year) that were submitted.

This year Zoe Heller will pick her winners, and 12 or 13 writers will get a phone call in September that will make their face go numb (well that's how it affected me) and they'll suddenly be part of this thing, THE BRIDPORT PRIZE, that some of them have known about for all their writing careers so far, that they might have entered before and never got anywhere near, and it'll be unreal, and brilliant, and scary. Or maybe the scary doesn't come until the prize-giving. And then it soon goes.

So, don't be put off by the numbers. Don't search for other winning stories. Send the one you love, and let it go. Good luck.

the highest hopes

2010-05-24T18:36:00.004+01:00

I had them, them highest hopes, for the hour-count of last week. I had at least one clear day with nothing too taxing planned, just the mundane stuff, the paying-the-bills-doing-the-shopping stuff. But still, just 2 little blocks were spent writing last week.

(this a 2-birds-1-stone photograph)

I worked my day job, I met with some good friends, I read a lot. If I'm not writing much but I'm reading, I feel better. I spent hardly anytime online*. That felt nice.

Last week I read pretty widely, as we writers are advised to. I read some quirky flash fiction, and some chick lit.

I don't often read chick lit, but I fancied a bit. It might be because the 2nd Sex and the City movie is coming out soon, and I know it's so not-high-brow but I'm looking forward to it. I find Carrie and co a comfort, an indulgence and good fun.

I have to say that the chick-lit I read wasn't that good, so I don't want to say what it was. But it had a prominent place in Waterstones, it was by a successful writer, and I read it in 3 days. Not a page turner, but a quick and easy going read, and I liked that about it, then when I'd finished it all I could see were flaws in the characters and that it had a really mundane plot. I've read other people's blogs when they haven't liked a book but they won't say what it was, and I always think 'Just say what it was!' but suddenly I get it: I'm not going to write a thoughtful book review, so I won't just slag it off.

I also read Not So Perfect by Nik Perring: a neat collection of 22 short short stories, in a neat square book, published by Roast. Nik writes the kind of flash fiction that I like to read and I sometimes try to write: the kind where weird shit happens but it feels normal. Where wives throw up lemurs, where a girl breathes fire on her cheating lover, where a woman made of cogs and metal and ticking sounds finds love. There is also a lot about losing love, about giving yourself and trying to make sense of such an extreme, and how we feel when we are left. You can visit Nik's blog here, and buy Not So Perfect here.

Despite the not-writing-much I feel good about writing. In the past couple of days when people have asked, "How's the writing going?" I've been honest and said I haven't written much these past few weeks. It felt good to be honest, rather than try to find things to say. It's also made me want to get to it. Feeling relaxed about it is the healthiest way. But I go through this cycle often: not writing - feeling bad - still not writing - feeling worse - loosening up - writing more. I know that's how it works, but I still do it. What a goon.

*I achieved this by getting my boyfriend to hide the internet cable when he went to work. I'm not proud that it took such a dramatic act to keep me from wasting time, but I'm glad I did it. I will do it again. I didn't do loads more writing, but I felt better.

something I'm trying

2010-05-12T15:18:00.003+01:00

is noting how many hours each week I spend writing. I decided to do this about a week and a half ago after yet another afternoon spent 'writing' instead of writing. For me, 'writing' is when I'm at my desk with things to do but actually the thing I am doing is mooching around the internet. It usually begins with a 'I'll check my emails, really quickly' and ends with 'Why am I Googling this rubbish??? I'm such a dirty failure'. I don't like that dirty failing feeling. If I'm not in the writing zone I'd much rather watch TV, read, or go out.

SO.

I felt sure that my mooching time was far outweighing my writing time, by I-don't-know-how-many-hours each week. I had this bright and (what seemed like) realistic idea that I should be able to, very easily, spend 15 hours each week writing, on top of my day (and often evening) job.

For this purpose, I reckon writing is
the real creative stuff like free-writing, sketching out ideas, trying things out
editing
reading/research related to a story/idea/potential market

NOT
Blogging - inc writing here or on anyone else's blog (do that later)
Any other sort of internet mooch (still do that, just less)

Turns out
15 hours each week might not always be do-able. I work about 30 hours in my day job, and this week was unusually draining for me because we planted Mum's ashes. I spent more time with family, and more time relaxing to ease the stress. I also applied for a new job.

It's okay for life to get in the way, but I still want to be mindful of how much time I spend writing, and 'writing', because writing is what I want to do. I want to be known, I want to be read. So I have to make the time, and use the time I have, as well as I can.

But yeah, not 15 hours each week yet. Here are my little building blocks, each one representing an hour of writing this week and last week (I run my weeks Fri-Thurs)

I'm pretty happy because those last 3 blocks were spent working on a brand new story that is different to anything else I've ever written, and might even become a children's story. I am very surprised by this.

How about you? Do you make note of how much time you spend writing each week? It's proved to be quite an eye opener for me, I know that if someone asked me I would have said I did more.

How you write - Part 8 - La Belette Rouge

2010-05-03T20:15:00.008+01:00

I'm really happy to welcome Belette - writer of the tres honest, insightful and funny blog La Belette Rouge - to share her writing habits with us.

If I was to give this post a subtitle I would call it "Rituals of writing: Staff of power. Eye of newt. Papyrus of magical notebook. Pencils of Pulitzer prize bring to me the tools that will bring out the NY Times Best selling book that lives inside."

Writers and would-be-writers are almost always curious about the rituals of other writers. There is a sense that there is something in the tools and rituals of successful writers that if we just use the same notebooks and J.K. Rowling that perhaps we too will write our own Harry Potter. And I am no different. Whenever I have attended writing conferences, workshops and seminars people have two questions that always come up:

1) How do I get an agent? (this is a question not to mock. It is a question I continue to wrestle with like Joseph did that angel. But it probably more important to have written something before you ask that question.)

2) How do you write? (i.e. what are the specific rituals of your writing.)

I love it when writers reveal their writing tools. I would rather learn if they write longhand on graph paper, legal pads or college lined rule or maybe on notebooks that they can only find at one old-timey stationary store in the upper-east side of NYC than to hear their most salacious secrets (okay, once I learn about their writing rituals then I would happily hear their scandal stories but only after learning what is their pen of choice).

Hearing this stuff always feels a little like hearing about the magician’s secrets only better as learning their secrets doesn't ruin the literary magic, rather it somehow makes it feel possible to make your own magic – if only you had the right tools. I have, I kid you not, upon learning that a favorite writer favors a certain kind of pen, gone out and bought a dozen in hopes that this kind of pen would work for me in the way it worked for famous author X.

When I started writing I was inspired by the work of Anaïs Nin so I wrote in journals - but not ordinary journals. I had old-fashioned cloth finished accounting journals. I remember writing through the margins and filling the pages with process, prose and prattle and at some point the over-sized journals no longer worked for me. To write in them felt like when you are holding hands the wrong way – you know how you have a way, your thumb is always on the outside and this time it isn't and you have to adjust it or it just feels wrong – well that is what happened with me and the accounting journals. I graduated to black and white marbled composition books. I would buy five or six at a time and I often had four or five going on different themes or story ideas.

It wasn't until well into my second decade of writing that I began to write on a computer and at first I wrote the first draft longhand and then transcribed my rough draft to the computer and began to edit once the rough draft was safely saved.

I keep my MacBook on 24 hours a day just in case inspiration strikes. I could not stand to have to wait to boot it up, by the time it started I might have lost the thought that came to me at 3 a.m. And no matter where I am I always carry a half-dozen pens in my purse (I wish I was over exaggerating) and I am never-ever-ever without a small notebook. I think that moving from thinking I might like to be a writer to being a writer occurred when I started always having a notebook with me. I think that being prepared for ideas at any time made me more open to having more ideas.

Mostly I write sitting on my Crate and Barrell sofa. I don’t have an office or a writer’s desk – and even when I did I hardly ever used it. I like to curl up in the corner of the couch with my furry writing assistant, my West Highland White Terrier.

But I will write anywhere that inspiration strikes. I write in my car, my bathtub, and/or anyplace that inspiration strikes. And, if it comes to it I will write on anything and with anything – even, in an extreme emergency, with my husband’s Hewlett Packard laptop.

About Belette Rouge: Belette is a writer, a psychotherapist and the author of the blog La Belette Rouge. She has studied creative writing at UCLA and has published essays and short stories. You can find her fourteen-part series “Writing in Valencia ” on her blog in which she proves you don’t have to be in Paris to be inspired by your muse.

Belette is presently at work on her memoir “Thursdays with Igor”. Her writing will soon be featured in “The Forgotten Patient”. She lives in Valencia, California with her husband and her dog-aughter Lily, a West-Highland White Terrier.

the week in pictures

2010-04-25T16:12:00.004+01:00

because this week has sort of been about pictures.

I like sitting with my notebook and a biro and drawing a shape. Sometimes it stays a shape, sometimes it becomes a drawing, often words come and land around the shape.

The process is a bit like freewriting, you don't know what's going to come, and you have to get over the initial feeling of 'what' to write/draw. I am no artist. Sometimes it's just boxes, rows of boxes, sometimes circles. Triangles. Etc.

But there's something freeing about it, it sort of unclogs me. And I like it when a shape sparks some words. I'd love to write a novel around shapes that are sometimes drawings where words come and land.

I'll share a couple from my notebook this week.

This one started as a square that was being pulled out of shape, but since I realised it looks like head, neck and shoulders, that's what I see. The words came from the 'pulling apart' of the box.

This one started with the long rectangle in the middle, which felt like a door, or a divide of some sort.

I had a birthday this week, my first without my Mum. I don't write about my grief here on the blog, and I don't write Facebook updates about it. I write in my journal, and I talk to people. Maybe it comes through in the fiction I've written since losing her, without me meaning it to. Maybe one day I'll look at every word I've written in the last 4 months and think it is drenched in it. I just didn't think I could say I'd had a birthday, without saying it was without her. It was both happy and sad, every day is.

Most of my friends bought me books, which is awesome. Look how lovely they are. Which should I read first?

One great moment from this week: drinking wine, with this view. It was easy-ish to imagine it was ALL MINE, and not the Earl of Harewood's.

Dyed my hair, used the leftover hair dye to advertise my friends' ace Zombie web series, Zomblogalypse.

New shades

Greek coffee, with homemade biscuit (started out as a birthday cake, evolved into birthday biscuit)

Mmm, might have to go and make a Greek coffee. My boyfriend is half Cypriot, and I was introduced to this kind of coffee by his late father, who drank it all the time. It's amazing - you boil it up in a pan with water and sugar, and serve it in these little cups, a bit like an espresso cup, and it's just so nice. Very strong, very sweet, kind of gravelly, but serious and full on and no-messin.

How you write - Part 7 - Jenn Ashworth

2010-04-19T08:00:00.003+01:00

I'm really happy to be hosting a guest post from Jenn Ashworth, whose debut novel A Kind of Intimacy is sitting next to my bed waiting for me to finish the remaining 60 pages (I just had to half close my eyes to check how many pages are in it - just in case I saw anything that would give away the ending). It's a brilliantly drawn story of a slightly unhinged and deluded 28 year old woman existing on the edge of society, getting things wrong, being weird, and being unloved. I recommend it fully, heartily, and all other ways people recommend things.

Here's Jenn to tell us how she writes.

How I write has changed, and probably will carry on changing. My first novel – a horrible attempt my best friend retains a copy of merely to blackmail me with – was ‘composed’ (that’s probably too strong a word for it) on an old typewriter I bought from The Children’s Society charity shop in Chorley, Lancashire when I was sixteen. A lost balloon-novel was typed on a laptop, in bed, at night when I was supposed to be studying English Lit. It was stolen, which is a story I quite like telling at readings. I’m not as sad about it as I used to be.

A Kind of Intimacy, I typed onto an un-stealable desk-top computer, wearing the letters off a keyboard and keeping one foot on the bouncing chair my new little girl sat, neglected, in. Cold Light, the one I’ve just finished, was written in long-hand in a set of A4 pads, then typed up, then half-deleted and rewritten six times on the same desk-top computer. A new Cherry Keyboard, and made of sterner stuff because the letters are intact - or maybe my hands are less clammy these days.

And the next one? I’ve no idea. I’ve a Lamy fountain pen with a medium nib, and people buy me bottles of ink for Christmas (Lamy green and Diamine Black Cherry are my favourites, although a friend tells me only nutters write in real green ink) and I usually save it for thank you cards and letters, but I think the pen’s up to the challenge of a novel.

I used to use the bold nib, but my loopy, lumpy handwriting was illegible, and that pen was stolen when I worked in the prison – the prisoners like real ink and metal nibs and I like the idea of my Christmas Lamy pen being used to make a tattoo. Maybe I’ll use Lamy the second to write my third novel, except when I cry or spill my tea, the ink moves and the page looks more like a chromatography experiment than a novel in the making. The impermanence of real ink is worrying – I want my books to be like those tattoos and I write my journals in biro.

It’s my journals I want to tell you about. My journals – a stack of which you’ll see in the picture – a record I’ve been keeping since I was thirteen, which used to be half my life but this year, is slightly less than that. The older I get, the smaller the percentage of my life that is unrecorded gets. I like that.

I write about boring things. The things my daughter does. My rants and irritations. I unload. Sometimes I call it the grudge book. I write about my secrets and most of all I write about my writing. I expect it’s very boring and it would be nice to have it burned just before I shuffle off, but I can’t mean that, because if the fountain pen happens to be near me when I take up my journal for the evening’s recording and unloading session (that last phrase sounds much ruder than I mean it to) I always swap it for a biro. I’m unreliable.

Of course I want it to last forever. It’s why I don’t type it up, I want these words, these special secret words that will never be read aloud, never be published, never read by anyone other than me, to exist in the real world. I want to feel the impression of my hand on the paper – see the tea and tear stains, and wonder what was written on that page I tore out of the book.

The books used to be cheap ones - the paper yellow already because I was little and I was buying them out of my pocket money. I write on Moleskines now because I like the binding and the covers and I’m a pretentious twat, and Rhodias because I like the orange and the squares but wish they were a bit more substantial looking.

Jenn Ashworth writes for fun, and for a living. Her books aren’t crime novels, but novels with crimes in them. And Fat Admirers. And glow in the dark fish. And out of hand news readers. And the Crystal Maze. And sticks of rock and shower curtains with penguins on them.

She’s just finished her second novel, Cold Light and her first, A Kind of Intimacy was published last year with Arcadia. She also writes short stories – strange ones about people being disappointed, or shocked, or trying to explain themselves and not doing a very good job of it. She’s got ambitions to write a real detective novel and maybe a radio play, but right now she’s working on Too Much Information – a live lit show she’s co-starring in with the poet Jo Bell.

When she’s not writing books, she’s blogging – a little bit ago her blog won a prize at the Manchester Literature Festival. And when she’s not doing that she’s writing in her journal, window-shopping for just the right kind of teal coloured ink, or irritating her family, who she lives with in Preston, Lancashire.

www.jennashworth.blogspot.com

www.theinflatablelounge.blogspot.com

strapped myself to my desk

2010-04-16T17:21:00.002+01:00

sorta.

In a bid to curb my time-wasting-online habit I set myself a simple challenge: to sit at my desk, with the laptop on, plugged into the internet, and not use it for an hour (not use the internet, I mean). I opened up a word file of a story I've been enjoying tapping out and I tapped out and tapped about for a full hour, and when I wasn't tapping the keys I was writing out ideas in my notebook that was by my side.

Sometimes I have to really remind myself that writers should actually WRITE.

It worked, though I did have an urge to fact-check something, and thought of several facebook status updates that could make me sound cool/interesting, and decided I wanted to read all the book reviews of a book I read a few months ago right now. I didn't.

Maybe short concentrated bursts like that work for me. Lately, when I've set time aside to write, I haven't been that focused even though I've really wanted to be. Stupid really, the way I can actively NOT do the thing I really want to do.

I wrote 850 words, and drafted out a couple of ideas that could become pieces of writing at some point. Felt good, productive, useful.

Other stuff
Found this great place for flash fiction: Spilt Milk Magazine I like what they say they in their submissions guidelines:

We like people who can do unusual and arresting things with words, and who can do it well. We are swayed by tone more than content, and if you mesh the subtle and surreal into one seamless wonder, we’d love for you to send us a little something.

We do not like randomness for its own sake. We do not like self-consciously witty anecdotes, forced quirkiness, emotional outbursts, exclamation marks, or anything which smacks of trying-too-hard. We are less keen on things that rhyme, and squirm at the sight of words dotted around a page. Our eyes are lazy.

That said, we also like to be surprised by old things done well, or new things done with old things, so if you have written something that makes you feel oddly proud and excited, it’s always worth hitting us with something chancy.

I've sent something, so fingers are crossed. Have a read of Issue 2, which you can get here. I especially enjoyed this flash from Jane Roberts, Skinplicity/Skinplex.

I'm tres happy to be hosting a great post from Jenn Ashworth on Monday as part of my 'How you write' series. I'm halfway through Jenn's novel, A Kind of Intimacy, and it's so good.

Have a good weekend, y'all.

I didn't write this

2010-04-13T17:22:00.001+01:00

but I wish I had.

66 words long, something beautiful about it.

Lilliput by Chris Taylor.

keeping a diary

2010-04-11T17:22:00.003+01:00

is the title of my first non-fiction piece for the latest Tomlit Quarterly and you can read it here (Vol.2 No.2, page 32). It's residing alongside some great stories and artwork too.

It's quite a personal bit of writing about my experiences of keeping a diary as I grew up, with a few embarassing quotes thrown in.

Would love you to take a look.

this writer's life

so it's really true

I've been nominated

2 cups

Covered in flour

Getting Noticed by The Guardian - Part 2

Guardian Interview

It's not like that

Hello, 2012

India's Book: call for submissions

Leibster Award

Feeling lucky, punk?

I said this post would be awesome...

Blog-o-fear

overheard

New thing and an admin

Early Sign Of Wanting To Be A Writer, Number One

Overheard

"Oh hey so I love you! Oh, no, I just sicked it up."

Stand by your ban

Guardian Short Story

Closing soon

Guardian Short Story Comp Runner-up

Don't be prissy, yeah?

a few things

The Fiction Project 2011

freedom

Dear Sir

age, lambs

update

worth remembering, I think.

question

I knew this woman who fell in love

oh look it looks so new!

Look!

new project

step away from the computer

oh-so-stylish

at last

February, innit

end, middle, new

Swoon

endings are my weakness

Focus

sofarsogood

another writer looks back at the year and also ahead to the new one

bits of christmas

another day

flick of a switch

come to me, ideas

this week

Writing Weekend

relief, excitement

Dear Friend

Happy Ha'llo'w'een

Confused it for love

got woken up at 4am

this post is a bit business-like

my week

don't

Bridport 2010 and the Rejection Section

you know it's time to step away from the laptop when

how long does it take

closing and opening

He draws me in for a hug

experiment

when your phone number is similar to the local vet's

overheard

If you and your manuscript were fictional characters, which ones would you be and why?

Ha, so, anyway, but. Sigh.

Best intentions

possible freedom

more than a LITTLE off topic

Closing soon, twitch

off topic

U-turn, and oh dear

bit rejected, bit exposed, pretty proud

nostalgia and a new thing

darn it! Bug it

oh blogger